


Don't Go

by mamodewberry



Series: Wait For Me [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not Safe for Melon, Olympics, Past Character Death, Rin is Really Emotional Okay, Ultra Sad Why Are You Reading This?, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamodewberry/pseuds/mamodewberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could cry for his friend that couldn’t. Cry for the loss of a departed friend. Cry for their separation. Cry for their love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ [WAIT FOR ME](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5126576/chapters/11795408), DO NOT PROCEED. (unless you don't mind spoilers for it and seeing SouRin and Co. being incredibly sad over the death of Makoto and Haru, but I think a lot of the emotion is lost if you do do that.)
> 
> EDIT: Ugh, my HTML screwed up so half the things I wrote here disappeared!
> 
> I want you all to know how blown away I am by the responses to Wait for Me. It's been incredible. I've never had something like this before. I know I'm not BIG in the fandom in any sense, I'm used to being invisible, so this has been quite a change for me! Thank you everyone! Due to the interest/demand of many of you, on this day, the day of my birthday, my gift to you, is the start of the Sad Rin Epilogue. It's really painful, okay?
> 
> If any of you are posting anything on Tumblr you'd like me to see, tag it with my user name "mamodewberry" or "mh wait for me" (I had it "wait for me" but it had a bunch of stuff when searching, so hopefully this helps). Thank you to those posts I have seen where you are crying. I really do appreciate your tears and support ;o;
> 
> Thank you to my lovely Gabapple for writing Haru's PoV and, what I think, the hardest part, THE ENDING! Yeah, I wrote Makoto dying the whole time, but HARU!! Ugh it hurt me so much when she sent me all of that guys. Thank you for the late nights. Your patience with my typos and often forgetting words in sentences and odd structure at times. Thank you for your helpful comments, your personal comments that often made me laugh and encouraged me to continue. Thank you for being my partner in crime on this journey. 
> 
> For your viewing pleasure, here is gift art of [The Island ending](http://piip.tumblr.com/post/146760621391/right-click-new-tab-even-when-i-read-my-first) by @Pirta. And I ended up commissioning her for the [Victory Sex scene.](http://piip.tumblr.com/post/147604653636/a-commission-for-mamodewberry-the-victory) Very NSFW. AND I commissioned Rowchan for a snapchat of Mako and Haru's [date from chapter 23](http://row-chan.tumblr.com/post/147652345572/today-is-mamodewberrys-birthday-happy)
> 
> Now a word from @gabapple: I wanted to thank you guys for the overwhelmingly positive response that we received for the fic. It was a challenging project to work on, but so rewarding, too. I wrote most of the Haru PoV scenes, and helped with the outline/plotting, but it was Shar who did the lion's share of the work-- writing, researching, editing, posting, managing all of the social media, the comments, etc.
> 
> If it had been up to me, it would have taken 20 years for the fic to be completed, but she kept it on track. It seems crazy to me that this was supposed to start as an RP, and ended up becoming a friggin NOVEL instead. I'm really pleased with how it turned out. We challenged each other as writers, and really dove into the characters and let ourselves explore our particular strengths and interests, too. Shar is so good with the medical stuff, details, description, and keeping things moving, and I tend to favor all of the touchy-feely-emotional-inner-intangible... 
> 
> I think, together, we made a great team, don't you? ☺
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for reading. I feel so lucky that we got to work together on this project! Betaing it every step of the way was the highlight of my week, and this new stuff is no exception. I'm glad that you guys will get to read this material, too. Shar wrote a lot of it before, and we weren't sure if it was going to see the light of day. 
> 
> Kind of funny that it's HER birthday and YOU guys are getting the present, though! Ha ha! ohhh my heart it hurts asgfjhdkssa  
> \- Gabapple

_**Three Years Later; September** _

 

A shallow glass of clean water was centered in front of the ash chamber above the water pool. Haru’s body was never found. If it were, it still wouldn’t change the fact that the Nanase’s family grave was elsewhere. The glass was proof of Mrs. Tachibana’s tribute to their relationship. It didn’t feel right going to an empty monument, in all honesty. Bringing a part of Haru and placing it beside Makoto’s was fitting. A second incense slot was made for this purpose as well.

Rin slid the incense in place and lit them, thin tendrils of smoke curling up towards the headstone. Sousuke joined him on his knees in a prayer.

Three years made it easier for the tears to stay dammed in their sockets. Words still had a way of getting caught in his throat when he thought of them. Wind blew through his hair that he had kept the same length, sakura blossoms gliding by, one landing gracefully in the water pool. He took that as a sign that his best friends were present and listening.

The corners of his mouth lifted as his mind brought him back to a week prior as he stood in the winner’s circle. “Japan took home Gold, again.”

 

* * *

 

  
  


_**Two Days Ago; June** _

 

Rin dug through his pocket of his overcoat for the key to his and Sousuke’s apartment. Lint and wrappers pushed aside, he finally found them and inserted the key to escape the chill of winter, Sousuke lumbering after. 

Once inside, they set the groceries for the week on the floor and proceeded to unbuckle and unbutton coats and jackets and boots. Sock clad, they walked to the kitchen and began to place the groceries where they belonged, a comfortable silence between them whilst regaining their breaths and body warmth from the long walk. Sousuke brushed past Rin, hand touching his lower back in affection. 

As Rin was about to return his return the sentiment, his phone rang within his pocket. The screen read ‘Nagisa’. It wasn’t uncommon to receive random phone calls from him. Since they moved, Nagisa had made it a point to never let Rin get out of contact. Not that Rin had any plans of having a falling out with his teammates again, his enthusiastic friend did a good job making him not forget it. 

Pressing Accept, Rin brought the phone to his ear. “What’s up, Nagisa?” 

At first it was silent, then a sniff, and then “Rin-chan…”

It wasn’t the type of playful crying of ‘Rin-chan’ that happened when Nagisa and Rei were in a ridiculous squabble and he was coerced into taking (normally Rei’s) sides. No, this sounded like something serious, and a Serious Nagisa was always something to be cautious of. “Nagisa?”

“M-Mako-chan, he--” Hiccups. 

A chill coursed through Rin’s body. “What happened to Makoto?”

“He… he-”

The stuttering was interrupted by rummaging and Nagisa’s voice was replaced by Rei’s, whose composure was better held, though just as moved. “Rin-san. Makoto-senpai has--” Pause.

It was then that the creeping dread settled into his gut and Rin knew before Rei was able to finish.

“-Has passed on.”

Hand shaking, Rin covered his mouth to suppress a choking gasp as he took a step back to the wall and slid into sitting position. Confirming words striking deep and spreading numbness. Nagisa continued to wail. Rei could be heard shushing in sincerity, but also wishing to remain polite to Rin on the other end. Eventually Rin removed parted fingers just enough to speak. “H-How? I thought that he was doing better.” When he talked with Haru last, they had gone swimming together. Haru was outright elated! Makoto texted and told Rin he was able to do more exercises in the book he gifted him. He even texted him a photo of his arm showing some muscle progress. _How?_

“Septal myectomy was regrettably not a cure. By the sounds of it, the operation went well. This was tragically unexpected.”

“Did he push himself too hard?”

Sousuke kept a reasonable distance, listening attentively, waiting to jump if he needed to. 

“That I do not know. Tachibana-san only told us he had an attack and passed away en route to the hospital.”

He died before he could get proper care? … “Haru? Have you talked to Haru?”

“... We have not. We’ve tried calling - left messages - with no response. Tachibana-san was the one that phoned us. I offered to call you on her behalf.” 

Haru not using his phone was nothing new, but something like this, even Rin couldn’t get mad at him for not returning calls or informing his friends what happened by his own mouth. How was he taking all of this? Shutting himself away from the world?

“Tachibana-san was with Haruka-senpai when I spoke with her. He is not alone,” Rei said after another while of silence, answering what Rin hadn’t asked. 

“Good. He needs someone with him. Do you know when, and where, the funeral is?”

“When I spoke with her she was in debate of if they were to hold the funeral in Tokyo or back home in Iwatobi. She was going to let me know. I imagine she’ll know by this evening. Would it be alright if I left you a voicemail? It could be late on your side of the world.”

“Yeah. That’d be great. Thanks, Rei.”

“See you soon, Rin-san.”

He wanted to tell him to stop calling him -san for the hundredth time, but let it slide in favor of argument sounding inappropriate for the moment. “Yeah.” Thumb grazing the screen, he ended the call and brought his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.  

Sousuke retreated from leaning against the counter and crouched in front of him. “Makoto?”

The one word, the one name, the cadence, asked questions: _Is he dead? Is that why you’re on the floor about to cry? Haru taking it bad? Are we going to the funeral._

Rin accepted long ago that their bond would never be to the levels of Haru and Makoto’s mindlink. In moments like this, he was grateful how easy he was to read and how easy it was to answer peeking through long bangs with a simple nod. 

Teal eyes widened. Gradually he lowered to fully sitting on the ground, shoulders loosening, fists clenching at his thighs. “That was…” he ran a hand through his hair, unable to complete the thought.

“Soon? No shit.”

“Last week he texted me asking about stretching exercises for sore muscles I had during my rehab. The scars were bothering his pectorals.”

“You never said anything to me about that.”

“Didn’t think I needed to.”

“You don’t. I just…” It was childish of him to feel jealous. Of course Sousuke wasn’t deliberately hiding correspondents. It really wasn’t any of his business. It was certainly a right of privacy. Rin reached for his phone by his side and swiped to old messages.

Had it been anyone else that sent a blurry, off-centered mirror shot in a gym he would have rolled his eyes right out of his head and schooled them on photo angles and called them a poser. But this was Makoto. Someone who was the opposite of vain and would never do something like this unless he was really proud of himself. Well, maybe not - he did plenty of things any normal person would be proud of and would show off _a little_. 

Makoto wore an old tank top that looked like he’d purchased a size too big if Rin hadn’t known better, flexing his left arm. On the bench behind him and to the right he could see the spine of the workout book he bought him. [Little by little (＠°▽°＠)ᕗ] The smile on his face was just as goofy as the emoticon. Trying to let himself be pleased, but too embarrassed. Also tired. 

The longer Rin looked at the photo, the quicker the reality that he’d never see that gentle smile again settled.

Makoto was gone.

It surprised even him that he hadn’t started crying until now. Too in shock, he supposed. Looking at the dumb photo that was from a month and a half ago, now knowing how close to death Makoto had been then … 

There was never a point in holding back. Phone clanking to the kitchen tile, he allowed the tears to flow, the embarrassing choking and gasping. And then he let out a pathetic laugh. “I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have given him that book.”

Strong arms encased his quaking body. “Don’t you _dare_ blame yourself!” 

“If I hadn’t, then-”

“You and I both know that he would have found other ways. It was a great gift. He needed it, Rin.”

He couldn’t argue that. Makoto was just as stubborn as Haru if not more so. Rin couldn’t fault him for wanting to exercise after not being allowed to for over two years. Some way to feel alive after being cooped up for so long. Sousuke was right. Honestly he doubted Makoto was doing anything too strenuous because Haru would have flip his shit otherwise. Then why so soon? Rin grabbed a handful of Sousuke shirt, legs lowering to invite his boyfriend in his space more. “That surgery he had was supposed to help. I want to investigate for malpractice.”

“Sometimes a repair takes more out of you than you think. We don’t always have control of our bodies. Sometimes things just happen.”

Rin knew Sousuke was speaking from experience. No wonder Makoto asked him for advice. A heart and shoulder were very different, but maybe there was some truth to his words. Sousuke could swim after a year of extensive rehab. After another year he still wasn’t up to par as he was before. It took away the pain, let him swim, but left scars and new aches. “He was… so young,” Rin continued, borrowing deeper into Sousuke. “Not even an adult in some countries.”

Too many things Rin wished to say to his now deceased friend. He wanted to thank him for his kindness. His forgiveness. For being the rock for everyone back in Iwatobi. For thinking the good of people. For not giving up on him when he was an ass in second year of high school. For hanging on to Haru and not letting him stray. Giving Haru a reason to move forward - a dream. For living life to the fullest despite the hardships of his health.

For inspiring him to do the same.

 

When Rin and Sousuke woke up nursing headaches and puffy red eyes, a text from Rei was waiting on Rin’s phone. 

[Makoto-senpai’s body is being transported early tomorrow morning (today, when you receive this message). Wake and Funeral will take place the following evening. I do hope you’ll be able be able to attend.]

Rin couldn’t help the tired snort he emitted. Of course he’d be there. Last minute flights sucked, but bereavement flights existed for a reason. [Thanks. I’ll look at flights. And message Momo and Ai.]

Sousuke kissed Rin’s shoulder from behind and placed his chin upon it, wrapping his arms around his middle while Rin searched for flights to Tottori Airport. 

“How does tomorrow morning sound?” Rin asked, holding the screen past his head. 

The hold tightened as Sousuke shrugged. “How long do you want to be gone?”

“Gou should be at the funeral, but I’m sure Mom would love us to visit. A week?”

“Whatever you want. Just need to tell our professors beforehand.”

 

The next morning the pair took a taxi to the airport, checked into their flight, sailed through security and waited in the terminal for their plane. It was odd going back home for sad circumstances when so many in the airport were coming or going with happy anticipated, yet tired, faces. 

Why hadn’t they taken more opportunities to visit? 

They made the flight once to help Gou finish moving into her apartment. Their last night there, they’d crammed into Haru and Makoto’s place for a movie and takeout. Makoto slept through most of it on the sofa wedged between Haru and himself. If only it were because it was boring. Well, it kind of was, but. Haru shook him awake before they left to say goodbye. 

So many questions Rin wanted to ask, then; namely if there was anything he could do to help. Makoto didn’t look well - paler, thinner, sluggish. He smiled like always, concealing what was happening in the inside, while he apologized for being a boring host and sleeping through the visit. 

Other than that it was Skype calls and texts. Great way to communicate, but not the quality time Rin now regretted not putting the effort for. Then again, he was expecting Makoto to live longer. 

He was sure Haru thought the same. 

Haru…

Even if circumstances were better he wouldn’t expect a response, but he hadn’t sent condolences to Haru.

[Hey. I’ll see you soon. Hope you’re doing okay. I’m here if you need to talk].

It was a pathetic attempt, but it was something. Haru needed to know his friends were thinking of him. 

What would it be like to--

“Rin.” Sousuke nudged him out of his train of thought. “Our plane is boarding.”

“Yeah.” He reached for the strap of his backpack and slung it over his shoulder and walked side by side with Sousuke. 

 

The flight and one layover at Hanada airport went without incident. Sleeping on the plane or losing themselves in magazines and books to distract from gloomy thoughts. A prelay to the onslaught of emotions they’d feel once they met up with everyone at the funeral in a few hours. 

Rin sent a quick text to Gou letting her know he landed and for Mom to set out one more guest futon and see them both soon. The pair took a shuttle to Iwatobi and watched the scenery pass them by, the familiar ports coming into view. Once in town, they stopped by a konbini for a condolence envelope and stood in front of the ATM, debating how much yen to withdraw. 

It had to have been expensive to transport a body across the country, let alone the funeral expenses. 

“Fifteen thousand sound okay?” Rin asked, finger hovering over the keys. 

“Each.”

Rin’s eyes widened, then he nodded, understanding. It wasn’t like they were strapped for funds. They’d made a good life for themselves and Olympic sponsors paid well. This was the least they could do. “Yeah. Pay me back later.”

The bills deposited in a mechanical whirl. 

On their way to the counter to purchase the envelope, the candy aisle caught Rin’s eye. He bumped into Sousuke as he took a step back to pivot down it. Makoto had a sweet tooth for chocolate, but Rin couldn’t say what kind. For a moment he considered texting Haru, but dismissed it as that would be an odd question to ask, nor had he been answering any of his other texts. 

Pocky. Cookies. Biscuits. Bars. No, none of those sounded good.

He continued to browse the shelves and came to the end of the chocolate varieties to fruit candies and found a colorful bag - sealife gummies. Perfect.

“For Wake,” Rin explained as he grabbed the bag under Sousuke’s questioning gaze. “It’s appropriate.”

“I’ll get one, too.” Sousuke took a few steps back to the chocolate and grabbed a box of matcha chocolate biscuits. “I remember eating these when we were over.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Rin’s lip. “Ah. Good memory.”

 

Dressed in black suits and tie, Rin and Sousuke joined the throng of guests at the temple, umbrellas out as they queued inside.  

Hushed voices. Strained faces for composure. Rain pattering, the sky doing its duty of crying.

Rei and Nagisa relinquished their spot in line when they saw Rin and Sousuke and joined them, the most somber either of them had been for the entirety of them knowing each other. Different circumstances, Rin would have been disappointed that Nagisa didn’t tackle hug him with a squealing “Rin-chaaan!” Instead they made eye contact, nodded, and quietly shuffled on. '

Condolences were left at the entrance table with the reception and then they walked into the main hall where the family was divided by Makoto’s mother and father’s side were standing, the altar with the body inside at the front of the room, elaborate floral arrangements around a portrait of Makoto - his signature smile greeting all that came. One by one the guests bowed to both sides before taking their place among the kneeling friends and colleagues invited. 

It was offensive to not see Haru among the Tachibanas. He was part of the family! Yet he wasn’t. At least he was at the head of the guest row. Surprisingly in between his parents. Considering how much they didn’t support the relationship, why were they here?! Well, appearances were important to people like them. Polite for the sake of propriety.

A quick glance around, Rin noted Gou and his mother sitting next to Seijirou and her friend Hana. Ai and Momo. Coach Sasube and their homeroom teacher. Kisumi and a boy he assumed was his littler brother. The old woman that always greeted them whenever they walked by as children. 

The room grew stiller as the priest made his way to the altar. Withered hands clasped juzo beads and began the sacred sutra, all guests bowing their heads respectfully. 

Makoto’s father was the first to step forward from the immediate family. Beads in his own hands, he bowed to his son, lips moving in prayer. Reverently he pinched incense from the bowl, touched it to his forehead, and then dropped it onto the flickering flame that then rose. Another bow.

He turned to the young twins and they came up together unsure and allowed their father to direct them through the process. 

Makoto’s mother was last. As she clenched the beads, she rested her head on her overlapping thumbs, shaking for a time before she willed herself to move on to the incense. 

Rin wanted Haru to follow, but he remained steeled in place, posture stiff and still, following formalities, hiding the status of their relationship. 

The sutra continued on. With the family now kneeling, that was the sign for the guests to offer their prayers to the deceased. A row at a time, the extended family had their turns. And then the guests. 

It was then that a cold weight rested on Rin’s chest, realizing this would be where he would have to say goodbye to his friend. Where all of them had to say goodbye. Where Haru would…

Still Rin hadn’t seen Haru’s face, but from how he approached the altar where his lover would rest until tomorrow, there was an unmistakable darkness surrounding him. Naturally Makoto’s parents and siblings had their own mourning auras, but maybe sense Rin knew Haru a lot better than them, he could see his loud and clear. His shoulders sagged and shook as he too bowed, prayed, and offered the granule incense. Haru returned to his spot next to his father.

A few people went ahead before it was Rei’s turn. Tears shimmered beneath his lenses as he passed them by back to their seats. Nagisa’s bottom lip quivered. 

While Sousuke prayed, Rin focused on his back. He’d done well to not lose it in public thus far, but the telltale signs kept creeping their way to his heart like a young flame. Then Sousuke too was done and going back to his seat, eyes glossy, expression sympathetic. 

He wanted to run. He didn’t want to do this. Couldn’t do this.

No, if Haru could, he could to. 

He had to do this. Makoto deserved this. He wanted to thank him.

Withdrawing the beads from his pocket, he took a step forward and his breath got caught in his throat.

Inside the window of the coffin in a bed of white lilies, white and yellow chrysanthemums was Makoto looking peaceful, a faint dip in the corners of his mouth like a smile. Like he was sleeping and could wake up any minute.

What right did he have to look content? He was dead! Didn’t he understand how sad people wou-- 

Yes. Of course he would. And he would smile to the afterlife so others wouldn’t grieve him. Honestly if he weren’t smiling, it would be cause for concern. Wouldn’t be him at all.

_Fine. I’ll let you get away with it_ he thought wryly. The beads swung around his fingers as he adjusted his stance. _Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my friend. Watch over Haru._ His fingers pinched the incense and he let them feed the small, contained flame. The faint flashing color and _woosh_ gave the signal that he had paid his respects and was to let the next guest have their turn. 

Rin lowered to his knees beside Sousuke and felt his hand be taken. It was then he noticed he was trembling. With blurred eyes, he looked past the backside of people’s heads to Haru. 

If this was how _he_ was feeling, he couldn’t imagine the turmoil that was swarming inside him, the walls he had to build to keep himself standing, to keep safe what Makoto was to him.

When the last guest paid their respects, the priest recited the last of the sutra and a hush fell over the guests as he exited. The guests then got up to make their way to the exit. 

Nagisa was starting to make his way towards Haru, but stopped when he saw Mrs. Tachibana walking towards him along with Mr. Tachibana. She touched his shoulder and his eyes widened. Mrs. Tachibana regarded the Nanases with a bow. Whatever she was presumably asking permission for, they seemed to give it, however reluctant, as they left the main hall without their son.

Haru stepped with the Tachibana’s to the casket, a temple staff member addressing them.

“Should we wait?” Nagisa asked, noting how they were steadily becoming the last guests in the room. 

“Do you think he was asked to keep vigil with them?” Rei wondered. 

“I really hope that’s what it is. It’s his right to.” As much as Rin wanted to talk to Haru, he could wait. 

 

Outside the temple, Iwatobi and Samezuka teams were waiting. 

Rin’s mother hugged he and Sousuke, followed by Gou. 

Momo’s subdued energy was unsettling as he stood beside Seijirou, both looking uncharacteristically sharp in formal attire. Seijirou acknowledged the pair with a nod.

Ai offered a smile.

Kisumi was gathered with them, but was consoling his sobbing little brother. How did he know Makoto?

“Nanase isn’t with you?” Ai asked.

“He is with Mako-chan’s family for vigil,” Nagisa answered, looking sadly at the temple behind them. 

“Then that means…”

“We won’t see him until after cremation,” Rin finished.

All looked down disappointed, though understanding.

None of them had gotten to speak to Haru and they would have to wait until tomorrow afternoon or later. 

 

Unsure of how much they’d all be seeing of each other with their varying distances throughout the mourning period, the friends collectively decided to gather for dinner in Makoto’s honor. A round of sake was ordered for a toast. Another for Haru. 

To Makoto and what he was to all of them and to the life he lead. To Haru for taking care of him until the end. To both of them. 

Reminiscing. Crying. Laughing. More reminiscing. Regrets. Another drink.

 

Dawn filtered through the blinds of the Matsuoka home. 

Rin remembered coming coming home. He remembered his mother kissing them both good night. He remembered kissing Sousuke good night and threading their arms and legs around each other for comfort.

What he didn’t remember was sleeping. 

No dreams. No pull of consciousness. Just the backs of eyelids and the sounds of Sousuke’s soft breathing. 

Echoes of conversations of the past scattered in Rin’s mind. Mirthful laughter. 

He thought about Haru kneeling in a private room with the Tachibanas gathered around Makoto’s body, sipping sake and tea. What stories would they share? Would Haru be able to talk about their life together in peace? Makoto had said his parents accepted their relationship, but were they close enough to Haru to let him open up? Did he manage to stay awake through the night? What about the twins? Probably piled on Haru’s lap. 

Was Haru truly comfortable with them? Did he need to be alone, but put aside his own needs to be with them? They were just as much his family as Makoto’s, so maybe it was what came naturally to him.

If he stayed for vigil, would he be present for cremation?

Rin shivered at that. When his father died, even from a young age, he was unsure if he’d be able to go through with that and was thankful a body was never found. 

His mind then conjured an image of Haru with chopsticks picking through ashes--

Violently he shook his head, heart panging.

It was a customary ritual, but it was tragic to see a couple pulled apart by death, watching their body burn and then pick at the remains like leftover dinner. He hated it. It felt wrong, somehow. 

Sousuke stirred from under him. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No. You?”

“Not well.”

Rin hummed at that, wondering how the rest of their friends fared. 

 

They didn’t get out of bed. Even when Gou knocked on the door hours later telling them Mom had made breakfast, they made no motion to move. Instead Gou retrieved a tray of the omelettes their mother made and they ate on top of the futon together, quiet, not willing to express what was on all their minds: The cremation ceremony would be taking place, soon. 

The Tachibanas and Haru were likely also having breakfast before seeing Makoto’s body to the cremation chamber. 

Hours later Rin’s phone chimed with a text from Nagisa, waking Rin and Sousuke up from a second attempted nap, asking if they wanted to try going over to the Tachibanas in the evening to finally see Haru.

After a day like today, would _anyone_ be up to visitors? Sure it was customary to visit within the week of a family member’s death, but when it was Haru… 

Would he talk to them or would he turn them away?

[Tomorrow] Rin decided, dropping his phone to the sheets.

A headache lingered from the night before and he really wished it was only from the sake. Socializing sounded exhausting. Trying to comfort someone else when he felt numb himself seemed impossible. He was confident after some sleep he’d feel loads better. 

If he could get his mind to _shut up_ and let him rest. 

Rin curled himself into Sousuke seeking his warmth. 

A hand came to his hair in a lazy, habitual manner, teal eyes not quite looking at him. 

Sousuke was grieving, too. 

 

At some point Rin lost consciousness, as when he opened his eyes it was morning, later than yesterday. Bodies had finally succumbed to jetlag and emotional exhaustion. The tiny light on his phone blinked, signaling a text. It was Rei.

[I phoned Tachibana-san and she said Haruka-Senpai is still with their family until tomorrow afternoon, in which case he’ll be taking a train back to Tokyo.]

Good ‘ol reliable Rei. [Thanks. I think we can get presentable before noon.]

The response was immediate. [Nagisa and I will see you soon.]

The sound of typing roused Sousuke from slumber. He nudged Rin with a knee. 

“That was Rei. We have today to see Haru.”

“... That’s it? Wow. Is he really ready to go back home? Back to-” his jaw clenched.

_An empty apartment._ His breath hitched at his own inner statement. No, he couldn’t think about this right now. Had to get out of bed. Shower. Dressed. Meet his friends to see Haru. Maybe another drink tonight. “Okay. Up; let’s get going.”

 

Sano hadn’t changed much, Rin concluded as they boarded the train at the station towards Iwatobi. The towns were similar, slow to catch up with the rest of the world, Mom-and-Pop-Shops dominating over chain stores and restaurants. Few vehicles. Quaint homes. The life of the town supported by the sea. 

The sky was overcast.

Nagisa and Rei were at the station waiting for them. They were in higher spirits since the funeral and honestly Rin was envious of that. How could their grief levels be that different?

Walking up the coast line, Nagisa tried to strike conversation. “How is Australia? It’s winter there right now, isn’t it? Wow, it’s weird being two hours and two seasons behind, huh?”

Rin appreciated the questions, cause, yeah, it was really weird packing for the opposite season. With all the rain they had since he’d come and the humidity it brought, he couldn’t say he really missed it. Though Sydney summers weren’t much better. 

Nods and soft affirmations were all Rin could muster. Trying his best to stay calm to save his energy for Haru. Maybe after he could let loose and reminisce freely with Nagisa and Rei. 

On their way up the steps, Rin looked up towards Haru’s old house. Had he gone there at all or just stayed with the Tachibanas? Were his parents there now?

Taking a right, they continued up more steps until the Tachibanas home came into view. One knock was all it took for Ren and Ran to come rushing to the door. 

_Didn’t realize we were that expected_. Rin couldn’t claim to have a notable relationship with Makoto’s family, but it was enough for their eyes to light up at the sight of him.

“Shark guy!”

Sousuke snorted. Nagisa giggled. Rei tried to not do anything. 

“Really?” Rin lamented with a roll of his eyes. “Thought you guys were old enough now to know that’s not my name.”

“Uhh, Rin-chan?” Ran asked.

“... Close enough.”

“Hey you two; away from the door. Let them inside,” Mrs. Tachibana said, coming behind them to tug at the neck of their shirts. 

The twins did as they were told and moved away for the four boys to shuffle inside and remove their shoes. 

Condolence gifts were left at the temple, so really he’d already paid respects to the mother of one of his best friends, but it still felt awkward being in her home and not here to see her. She looked worn, hair pinned and lopsided, make-up free, her clothes speckled in dust. 

“Haruka-chan is upstairs in Makoto’s bedroom,” she said, dismissing attentions from herself.

“How is he?” Nagisa asked. 

She clenched her hands in front of her. “He’s … he’s taking this harder than anyone. He didn’t refuse you coming over, so that’s progress. I hope seeing you will help.”

“And he’s still going back to Tokyo tomorrow?” Rin asked. Maybe he would change his mind. 

“It’s what he wants. I told him he was welcome to stay until _nokotsu_ , but he insists on not being a burden and having his own grieving period at home. He’ll come back, then.” 

Rin was unsure if he and Sousuke could make it for that ceremony, so this really was the best chance to talk to him. “Alright. We’ll see him, now.”

With a bow, the four walked past her and up the stairs.

The room must have been packed away before the move to Tokyo. Now it held boxes, returning what once was here.

Haru sat on the bed against the wall with his legs pulled to his chest. No book or phone beside him. Just… sitting there, staring at nothing in particular. 

“Haru-chan, it’s us,” Nagisa called. “We came to see you.”

Had he really not heard them at the door? Haru looked up at them with such surprise, blue eyes widening and absorbing their presence. 

Nagisa crawled onto the bed. Once Haru had unhinged himself, Nagisa hugged him and Haru held him loosely back. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Haru-chan!” the bounce in his voice was gone. 

Rei walked over to the other side to sit on the edge of the bed. 

Rin was at a loss of what to do with himself. Suddenly the concept of comforting as a group seemed difficult. Nagisa’s blubbering summed up a lot of things. They were worried about him. They did want him to let him know if he needs anything. They wanted to take his pain away. 

Haru wasn’t as stiff as he was at the funeral, but he still looked like he was doing everything he could to not let the dams of his repressed grief out for all to see. There was a moment it looked like he was going to let it all out, but no. He schooled his face into unfeeling. Emptiness. Saying nothing. 

_You should be able to cry now, Haru. It’s okay. You’re among friends. You’re safe!_

Haru’s eyes weren’t red and puffy like he had been crying for days, just bloodshot from sleep deprivation. His skin was grayed and the bags under his eyes were severely prominent. Had he been able to cry at all with the Tachibanas? Or had he been trying to ‘Stay strong’ for them so his sorrow wouldn’t be overshadow theirs in some twisted consideration.

Bullshit! Everyone that mattered knew Makoto was his whole world, why not just…

It was a delayed reaction. A state of disbelief. The funeral, vigil, the cremation; all that time with Makoto’s body right in front of him... He was in denial, wasn’t he? Shock.

Just as Rin had been on his kitchen floor days ago. Only worse.

His legs slowly gave out from underneath him and he was on the floor, upper half of his body on the opposite end of the bed. He heard Sousuke call for him, but he was already pillowing his head in his arms.

Finally, a use for his crybaby tendencies. He couldn’t offer words of comfort, because really, what was there when your everything has been taken from you? But he could cry for his friend that couldn’t. Cry for the loss of a departed friend. Cry for their separation. Cry for their love. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He squeezed his eyes tight and laid his head on their entwined hands, waiting for his stomach to settle. 
> 
> “We shouldn’t have left him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! It was never my intention to take so long on this chapter. Life got kind of crazy with work, then I participated in the SR summerfest and that gave me a burnout from writing for a time, and then my grandfather passed away. But that's okay! We are here now. I really don't want the final chapter to take as long!
> 
> Speaking of the summerfest, I managed to do a Wait for Me related piece. If you want a break from Rin and Sousuke being sad, you can read their [victory sex!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7835311)
> 
> Thank you again for your patience!

_ Four Days Later _

 

Traveling when one was emotional made it easy to collapse from exhaustion when the doors of home opened. 

The flight had been uneventful. They got through security and customs without incident, boarding the plane feeling heavier than than when they arrived.

Rin hoped sleep would be a reprieve, but his dreams played memories until he jolted awake at his mind’s interpretation of Makoto’s death. Heart and head pounding, Rin rolled out of bed, pulled on whatever pants he came across first, and padded into the kitchen, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

He squinted as the lights flickered on, the rest of their flat in shadows from morning. The analog clock read 7:37AM. He’d slept eleven hours and still felt like he could sleep thirty more. 

Opening the pantry, he purused the shelves for breakfast. Oatmeal. Cereal. Bread. Vegemite. Half-eaten sleeve of dark chocolate Tim Tams.

He grabbed the Tim Tams. 

His eyes came to an unopened canister of hot chocolate powder and he grabbed it. Lori gave it to them as house-warming gift. Neither of them being big on sweets (the stale Tim Tam in his mouth a reminder of that), it had stayed untouched with the foil seal intact. 

Coffee sounded like too much effort. Tea didn’t sound appealing. 

Pulling out a mug, teaspoon, and carton of milk, he proceeded to make a mug of hot chocolate. Milk warmed in the microwave, he spooned the powder in and stirred and took a seat at the table.

An empty seat across from him.

This would be what Haru would be seeing at every meal from now on.

Rin let the taste of the chocolate overwhelm his senses, grimacing at the invading sweetness. 

The rummaging and clinking around in the kitchen awoke Sousuke. He entered and took the empty seat, taking notice of the Rin’s breakfast.

“Untraditional brekkie, I know,” Rin admitted quietly, stirring a Tim Tam in the hot chocolate to cool it down. A relief swept over him with Sousuke now near. 

“Untraditional you,” Sousuke yawned, resting his cheek on a hand. 

“It seemed like something Makoto would eat.” 

Sousuke reached for the Tim Tams and crunched on a stick, agreement lost in chewing. 

“We shouldn’t have left him.”

Swallow. “He went back to Tokyo, Rin.”

“Shouldn’t we have followed him? He’s in that apartment. Alone.”

“What would we have done?”

“I don’t know… Stayed in a hotel close by?”

“If he’s been with the Tachibanas, he hasn’t had his own time to mourn. If it were me, I’d want to mourn in the privacy of my own home. I don’t think he’d turn us away, just like when we visited him at Makoto’s house. He needs some time right now.”

/Haru allowed them all to see him off at the station the morning of his departure. 

“Don’t be a stranger, Haru-chan,” Makoto’s mother said, taking both his hands in hers, not letting go until he looked at her. “You’re always welcome here. Call if you need anything.”

Ren and Ran latched onto Haru’s legs. 

“Yeah, yeah, Haru-chan!” Nagisa chimed, some energy restoring despite the early morning and circumstances. “We can come to you, too! Rei-chan and I are thinking of going to Tokyo for university next year.”

Rei adjusted his glasses. “In the fall we wanted to take campus tours. Perhaps we can arrange to meet then. In the meantime, we’ll keep in touch by email.”

Visiting wasn’t as easy for Rin and Sousuke, and Rin’s gut twisted at that. Guilt and jealousy and uselessness. 

They each took their turns hugging him, bidding him well wishes in their own way. 

When Rin hugged him, he couldn’t stop the prickling of tears or the shakiness in his voice. “Call me if you need anything. I don’t care if you think I’m asleep; do it anyway.”

Haru nodded against his shoulder, grip tightening. Haru grabbed his bags and got on the approaching train, watching them through the window as it sped away. 

The remaining days before Rin and Sousuke had to return to Sydney, they spent it with Rei and Nagisa, wanting to distract themselves, but never quite doing so. /

“Time…” Rin echoed and sipped out of his mug. 

  
  


The remainder of the day, the pair did their makeup coursework to turn in to their professors of the following. It was slow going, but a good distraction and shift back into their daily life. 

Looking in the pantry at breakfast reminded them of needing to do their weekly grocery run. Being amongst a crowd should have been another pull to their simple life, but many times Rin had to do a double take at the passing of of any tall, light-brown hair man, or a high tenor laugh.

Sousuke’s grieving was less obvious, holding it in his shoulders and gait. If anything reminded him of Makoto, he didn’t share, whether it was for Rin’s benefit or his own.  

On Monday morning they returned to their classes, thoughts still lingering on what they left in Japan. 

Would Haru also be sitting in lecture right now? Or would he take the entire mourning period off? Was that even possible? 

Rin reached into his pocket and opened a message to Haru. 

[Sitting in class and thinking of you. Take it easy.]

At swim practice, Rin’s coach asked if he was okay, noticing his form was off from the sidelines. 

“Sorry. My mind is somewhere else today,” Rin apologized and hoisted himself out of the pool.

“Take a breather, Rin,” his coach said, patting his shoulder and walking over to addressing the rest of the team, voice echoing in the indoor facility.  

Rin took a seat on the side bench, taking a towel to his face, watching his teammates dive in.

Normally the water would be calming, but he found himself thinking about Makoto, wondering if he ever truly got over his fear of the water and ocean. When Rin had learned about Makoto’s fear, Rin remembered asking himself why he didn’t fear the ocean, having lost his dad to it. Were they just that different? Rin making his loss a strength, while Makoto chose to be afraid?

Makoto loved swimming, anybody could see that in his stroke. Was it his choice, his commitment to Haru and a team, to push on that escalated his condition? 

What would it have been like if he hadn’t gotten sick and kept swimming? Would he have made it to the Olympics with them? No, he had already decided he was going to teach swimming. 

He looked over as his coach blew the whistle, dismissing laps and signaling for next round. 

How close had Makoto been to achieving his dream? 

If there were earlier signs of his illness, had he stopped, would he still be with them today?

 

[I saw some mackerel for sale in the market today. No idea if it’s any good or not. Should I buy it? (ﾟдﾟ)]

(photo of mackerel fillet)  

 

No response. 

 

[I found one of those ugly-ass Iwatobi-chans in a box when I was cleaning. I don’t remember you giving me one. Did you slip one in my stuff?? 

[Never mind. Sousuke admitted to you giving him one to be a troll.]

 

No response.

 

[That mackerel wasn’t that great, btw （￣～￣）. Never has been. Ha! ]

 

Nothing.

 

[Beat my time in Freestyle today. Bet I can beat your ass so hard! I’m going to enter in your event in 2020 (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧]

Nothing.

 

[Oi, Haru. Come on. Say something. Anything.

[Getting worried.]

 

Two weeks of the silent treatment, Rin couldn’t take it anymore. He picked up his phone and dialed. The line rang and then went to voicemail. Grunting, Rin left a message. “Oi, Haru! Why aren't you answering your phone, you ass? I want to make sure you're still doing okay! Don't do anything stupid!”

He nearly slammed the phone on the table. What was so wrong with checking up on your best friend in a time of need?! He tugged at his hair and face-planted into the table.

The frustrated sounds alerted Sousuke. “What’s wrong?” he asked, head cautiously peeking round the corner. 

“Haru! I know it’s hard for him to talk right now, and I shouldn’t be getting mad, cause it’s not like he was ever good at corresponding. I just don’t want him to be alone. Feel alone. Having some indication that he knows I’m reaching would be nice. But that’s such a bastardly thing for me to do, and-”

His phone vibrated. 

Quickly he grabbed it, fumbling to swipe unlock. 

[going back to iwatobi at the end of the month to visit. don't worry ]

“There, see? Told you he needed time,” Sousuke said, giving an encouraging clap on the shoulder. 

“Or me yelling at him.” Rin let out a sigh of relief and pinched the bridge of his nose. Finally a reply. He didn’t want to believe verbal scolding brought him out of his shell, nor the implications Rin was taking the silence as a personal attack. 

Time didn’t always heal - not completely. More often than not, it left an ugly scar that ached. 

  
  
Another week passed. 

Rin went back to texting mundane things to Haru, knowing he wasn’t going to respond, but he wanted Haru to know that he cared. His conscience benefited as well. 

School got easier to focus on after their first week back from Tokyo. Swimming, not so much. Rin felt tired and worn and the water kept presenting questions he didn’t like contemplating. He explained to his coach he was going through some personal things and still wanted to commit to practice as best he could. As much as he hated to do things half-assed, he couldn’t just drop something because he was mopey. 

On the last day of August while Rin exited the bus for his half-mile walk to their flat, his phone vibrated in his pocket. 

Unknown number. 

Adjusting his scarf around his neck, he clicked Answer. “Hello? Rin speaking.”

“Is this _Matsuoka_ Rin I’m speaking with?” asked a voice on the other line. Japanese. A sponsor, maybe?

“That’s right,” Rin answered back in his native tongue. “How may I help you?”

The man on the other end cleared his throat. “My name is Sergeant Saehara, and I’m with Iwatobi Police Department. May I have a moment of your time to ask you a few questions?”

Police? Why would Japanese police be calling him? “Sure. I’m just on my way home from class. Sorry about the wind.”

“Not a problem. Matsuoka-san, we were given your name as a contact for our investigation, due to your personal relationship.”

Rin’s heart simultaneously jumped in his throat and dropped into his stomach. “W-what are you talking about? Relationship...?” The polite beating around the bush was nerve wracking; wanting to demand the sergeant to spill it, or wanting to hang up from whatever horribleness was about to be told.

A preparatory breath as if Saehara were the barer of bad news all the time. “Given the evidence at the scene, we believe Nanase Haruka has committed suicide.”

Rin’s feet stopped moving, body rigid with a coursing chill.

“Matsuoka-san?”

Questions generated in his mind. “How” and “Why” were what made it to his mouth.

“A pair of black and purple swim shorts washed up on the shore that was found by the victim’s close family friends two days ago. They confirmed the item was his. He was to meet them on the thirtieth for memorial commencement services for a friend that recently passed on.”

That was yesterday. Haru was supposed to be with the Tachibanas yesterday to pay respect to the interred ashes, marking the end of the mourning period. Not that Haru would tell Rin how things went, or send pictures of the gravesite, but...

Instead he seemingly stripped naked and swam out to sea and… drowned himself? Were washed up jammers enough to conclude death? What if he was just skinny-dipping and…

“Wouldn’t this be more of a missing-person’s case?” Rin asked, feeling a twinge of hope in the depths of the despair.

“Harbor searches are being conducted. Not knowing the exact time he swam out to sea, nor the physical state of Nanase-san, or-- We will be searching for a body Matsuoka-san. Currently we are treating this incident as suicide.”

‘Or if sharks or something else got to him first’, Rin finished in his mind and felt sick. At some point he had kept walking as he suddenly found himself on the third floor of his building. Habitually he pulled the keys from his pocket and opened the door. 

“I have a few more questions, if you don’t mind,” Saehara continued, sympathy returning to his voice. “Standard procedure for suicide investigation.”

Rin closed the door behind him, staggering to the couch and slumped into the cushions. “Yeah.”

“Please answer to the best of your knowledge. When was the last you spoke with Nanase Haruka?”

“In person? About a month ago after his roommate’s funeral. A week ago via text, telling me he was going to go visit his roommate’s family.”

“Was he on any medication?”

He thought back to Rio when they shared a room. No pill bottles or anything out of the ordinary. “No.”

Pen scribbling. “Has he ever said anything that would lead you to believe he was suicidal? Done anything concerning?”

Stripping at the sight of water was socially concerning, but it never looked like it was to drown himself. Haru was emotional, but not the type to talk about them. Rin was no doctor, so he didn’t think he could ever diagnose anything, but it was possible Haru had been depressed and never gotten help for it. “No.”

“Recent reasons that could lead him to take action?”

If Haru hadn’t been depressed for years, he certainly had been after Makoto’s death. The worries that Rin had of leaving Haru alone had been for self-care; not eating or sleeping or having anybody to talk to. Not taking his own life! Well, maybe in the darkest corners of his mind when he let it wander. And now that it had happened, processing it… “The roommate that passed away. He didn’t take it well.”

Saehara hummed, no doubt coming to that conclusion himself. “Is there any other information you can provide that would be of help to our investigation?”

None that would be the police’s business. The evidence had been enough. Where else would Haru swim to? “I don’t, Sergeant.”

“Thank you for your cooperation, Matsuoka-san. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Hope I helped.”

“You have. Good evening.”

Click.

Arm dropping to the arm of the sofa, gradually the dead weight of his arm combined with the phone in his hand, slid off the leather, phone slipping free and clanking to the wood floor. Even with the eventual tingling of his arm falling asleep from it dangling, he couldn’t be bothered to move. 

Haru was gone. Died on his own terms.

How cruelly poetic and so him. He let what he loved the most destroy him to be with who he loved the most. There was no denying that. 

Talking with the sergeant delayed the tears and the pained hiccups. 

He let them come, blurring the stucco ceiling and cheap fan above. 

The door burst open, short of off its hinges as Sousuke called for Rin, huffing in a panic.

Rin heard, but didn’t have the energy to look up or respond. Wasn’t like Sousuke couldn’t see him laying in a heap on the sofa. 

The door closed. Fumbling of shoes. Shuffling around the entryway and then Sousuke was looking down at him. “You didn’t answer your phone. I was worr--Rin?”

Ah. He must have tried calling while he was talking to the sergeant. 

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?” He was crouching now, cupping his shoulders.

“It’s not like you to freak out when I don’t answer the phone.”

“When you don’t answer for two hours?!”

Oh. He hadn’t heard his phone from the floor. Had it been that long? Tears had dried to his face. When had he stopped crying? As he opened his mouth to explain, he felt them start up again. “Haru… Haru’s with Makoto, now.” He brought his hands up to his face to muffle the ugly sobbing that seized him, having said it. 

Then Sousuke was climbing onto the sofa with him, forcing him to a side so they’d both fit. He felt an arm around his waist, another supporting his head as he was pulled close to Sousuke’s warmth, sorrow wracking them both. 

 

When Sousuke forced them both off the couch, due to the incessant growling of Rin’s stomach, the sun had gone down. 

Sousuke sat Rin at the kitchen table and set to rummage through the refrigerator. If he asked Rin what he wanted to eat, he didn’t remember telling him. He didn’t know what he felt like eating, anyway. 

Pots and pans banged against each other as Sousuke found the frying pan and started to crack eggs over the rim.

His famous omurice, probably.

Sizzle. Scrape. Clack. Scrape.

Soon a plate of omurice with a sun painted in ketchup was placed in front of Rin. He waited for Sousuke to sit across from him before digging in with a spoon. The fried rice inside was left overs from a few days ago. After a bite, he set his spoon down. Eating made him realize how numb he was, hot food moving its way down.

“You should eat,” Sousuke suggested, softly. 

“Don’t feel good.”

“Eat slower.”

“Maybe later.”

A clank of metal on fiberglass, and Sousuke also set his spoon down. 

Rin looked up at the sound. Sousuke wouldn’t eat unless he did. Picking up his spoon again, Rin forced another bite, chewing slower. In the end, he could only stomach about half of it before he had to stop, stomach tight. He watched Sousuke eat, waiting to be asked the inevitable.

With the last bite, Sousuke cleared their plates, figuring that was good enough for Rin’s appetite, then returned.

He was waiting for Rin to speak on his own, offering his presence as comfort, eyes ensuring he was safe. 

More silence dragged on before Rin willed himself to open his mouth. “I got a phone call from a sergeant in Iwatobi. Wanted to ask me some questions as my name was given as a contact in an investigation.”

The response was leaning forward on his elbows. 

“Makoto’s family found Haru’s jammers washed up on the beach.”

Eyes widened, waiting. 

“Maybe he just wanted to go for a dip?”

Sousuke’s hands reached across the table for Rin’s, holding them steady. 

“Asked me when the last time I spoke to him was. Medication. History of being suicidal. Why he would suddenly…” Rin bit his lip, too carelessly, the points drawing blood. “Last week… no… no… y-yes. And that’s more than enough to convince /me/ that he killed himself to be with Makoto.”

Images of Haru sinking in deep waters came to his mind at his words. He squeezed his eyes tight and laid his head on their entwined hands, waiting for his stomach to settle. 

“We shouldn’t have left him.”

Sousuke brushed the back of his hand with a thumb. 

“If we stayed, he wouldn’t have…”

“Would it have stopped him?”

Rin looked up at him through his curtain of bangs. 

“We both know that once Haru sets his mind to something, he’s going to do it.”

Rin understood his meaning and shuddered. If they had managed to stay in Tokyo or Iwatobi and been that close to him executing his plan… He wasn’t sure if he felt more or less useless than he did right then. 

 

More memories played in Rin’s dreams that night. Thankfully of happier times and times that could have been. He was grateful for his subconscious, and wished his consciousness wasn’t so unkind. His head hurt, eyes red and puffy, chest still heavy.

He rolled over to see Sousuke bleary-eyed watching him. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“A little.”

“Don’t want to go to lectures today.”

“Me either.”

“Let’s not.”

“Okay.”

 

They didn’t go to class the rest of the week. 

 

In those passing days, Rin received a text image from Nagisa: It was of the Tachibana’s grave, Makoto’s name freshly etched in stone, incense lit and flowers surrounding it. 

[Went to see Mako-chan today]

A second photo singled out one bouquet of flowers.

[Tachibana-san is sure Haru-chan left these (´;︵;`)]

Was anybody else called for questions? [Thanks for the pictures, Nagisa. Hey, did you get a phone call, too?]

Two minutes later his phone buzzed. [Yeah. He was really nice.]

No stars or hearts or sparkles. Short and sweet. It must have been awful for Nagisa, too. Rin felt comfort and kinship in that. 

 

While getting ready for bed, Sousuke suggested they pay Russell and Lori a visit. At first Rin was reluctant, not wanting his homestay parents to see him be so gloomy, even if they witnessed it in his youth. After putting thought to it, Rin agreed and they took the bus. 

Winnie barked and trotted towards Rin as he opened the side gate. She stood on her hind legs and pawed at Rin’s knees. He scooped her up in his arms for some kisses, her wriggling ceasing. 

She then began to whimper and nuzzled her snout into Rin’s shoulder, sensing her human’s sadness.

Rin carried her inside and was greeted by his homestay parents.

They gave him a squeeze each, not wasting time in asking how he was as surely Sousuke told them when he called to arrange them staying over for the weekend. He didn’t want to talk about it, anyway.  

“Make yourself at home,” Lori said, patting his shoulder.

Rin nodded and carried the dog to the couch and lowered into it. She shifted onto his chest and licked at his chin a few times before settling into him at the strokes of his fingers.

It felt nice. It felt like home here. 

Sousuke set their overnight bags on the living room floor and gave Rin’s hair a brush through. 

“I’ll whip up something nice tonight.” Russell said, leaning over the back of the couch. “What you in the mood for?”

Rin offered a half shrug, looking towards Sousuke as if he had the answer. 

“Anything meat is probably fine,” Sousuke responded. 

“Steaks it is.”

 

The rest of their stay was spent reminiscing. Old photo books were pulled, many Sousuke already seen upon “bringing him home to meet the parents.”

For a moment it was nice to reflect on himself and how far he’d come since his middle school days; overcoming failures and becoming an Olympian.

But then he remembered part of the reason that drove him out of his dark place. 

And now that reason was gone. 

He’d outgrown the childish need to beat him, but he had remained an inspiration.

  
  


Communications over Haru’s death weren’t as instantaneous as Makoto’s. The Nanases didn’t have personal ties to their son’s friends, all Rin could do was respectfully wait to hear details from Rei or Nagisa who got their information from Mrs. Tachibana.

On Monday when Rin sluggishly made himself attend class, Rei texted saying Makoto and Haru’s apartment was searched for suicide notes or anything that looked like one. The door was left unlocked. On the floor closest to the window, on top of newspapers, were five canvas paintings.

The case couldn’t officially be recorded as suicide, but the evidence was proving obvious. 

All personal effects were being boxed up and taken to the Nanase’s empty home to be sorted through and later stowed. 

“Tachibana-san informed me that she has spoken with the Nanases,” Rei called the next day. “When memorial services are decided, when we’re all there for that, we’ve been given permission to go to the house and take what we’d like from their belongings as mementos.”

“Isn’t that called grave robbing?” Rin mused. 

“Only if it were in their actual grave, Rin-san. It’s punishable by law, and I’m certain Tachibana-san wouldn’t want us to be arrested.”

“Right, nerd. No word on the funeral, then?”

“It’s a matter of the Nanase’s preference. They are very… private people.”

“Sorry that you have to be a messenger for me.”

“Not a problem, Rin-san. I’m happy to relay any information that I can. It is a trying time for all of us.”

“How are you holding up?” Rin ventured to ask. 

“I… I am as well as I can be. Nagisa-kun, however, I am worried for.”

Rin thought back to the terse texts he had received in the last week. “I can imagine.”

“I’ve no doubt he’ll jump back on his feet in time, but seeing him be… not himself, to put lightly, is difficult. I find myself consoling him more than grieving on my own. While I am sad for Haruka-senpai’s decision, it was his to make. I’ve never been one to resent his resolve in anything in the years I’d known him. It would be disrespectful of his memory if I started now.”

"Hadn’t thought about that.”

" Oh dear, I-- these are my personal feelings, Rin-san. Please don’t feel you need to conform to them. Everyone has their own way of coping with grief.” 

Rin could picture Rei waving his hands and adjusting his glasses unnecessarily. “Don’t think I have it in me to get to that level of enlightenment.”

  
  


Rin had been too young at the time of his father’s death to process all the complicated emotions. He remembered crying and feeling sad and empty for several days. Over the course of months it faded more and more and his smiles came easier. He wondered if it was the innocence of his childhood that gave him that ability. Or maybe he had just forgotten the journey. 

_Everyone has their own way of coping with grief_. Rei’s words echoed in his mind often as he sat in class, trying to pay attention. In the quiet of home when he waited for Sousuke to come home. In bed while he waited for sleep to (maybe) take him. 

Was his way of grieving acceptable? 

Sousuke’s constant presence was appreciated. Rin knew he also was affected by the loss, but more so that it was weighing Rin down. In the last two weeks, they’d done more cuddling than their whole relationship years combined. Sometimes no words were said. Sometimes the words that weren’t said transformed into crying and Rin was sure eventually his tears would stain Sousuke’s good shirts. Sometimes they were strange questions that Sousuke would then answer in five words or less. 

Tonight he hoped he’d say more. 

“Sousuke.”

“Mm?” Sousuke hummed, thumbs rubbing Rin’s arms as he held him at his elbows. 

“How long do you think somebody should mourn?”

“As long as it takes.”

“Do you think I’m… allowed to feel this way?”

His movements stilled. “It’s not wrong what you’re feeling.”

“Maybe I don’t know what I’m feeling. Or why. It’s not like Haru was my brother or lover.”

“No, but he was your best friend. You looked up to him for a long time. You were teammates. You challenged each other.”

“Oi… why are you saying that like you aren’t all those things?”

“Because we’re talking about Haru right now.”

“I guess.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for feelings or how you’re dealing with them.”

“Without you here I’d be a mess.”

“Probably.”

“Ass,” Rin kicked him under the sheets. 

 

“Rin-san, I have a date for the funeral service.”

Another week had passed. Waiting for word on the funeral prolonging the gray haze that fell over Rin and Sousuke. There would still be the mourning period after the funeral; that being the official time to take to accept and move on. Losing his two best friends in the span of three months, he questioned if he could move on so easily. “They finally decided, huh?”

“Due to the police investiga-”

“I know, Rei, I’m just...” he clicked his teeth. It wasn’t Rei’s fault, he knew that. Rin couldn’t help but wonder how much was time it took for the investigation or if making arrangements for their only child’s funeral was an  _ inconvenience to their busy schedule _ . Thus he schooled his irritation into submission. He cleared his throat, “When is it?” 

“Next week; third of October. Tachibana-san encourages bringing items for Wake as they will be filling the empty casket.”

Rin envied Rei’s composed grieving. He’d never be able to say something with such normal diction. He wanted to ask how Rei could be so strong, but he knew that would mean several more days of dark thoughts and hating himself for taking their deaths so hard. “Okay. We’ll be there. Thanks, Rei.”

 

After how emotionally draining Makoto’s funeral was, Rin wanted to spend several days back home. Being so close to the end of the term, his professors reluctantly prepared to give them makeup work. Not that Rin had been doing spectacular, anyway. He had taken leave of absence from the swim team as his times kept slipping and he’d lose focus, mind traveling to his deceased friends. As long as he passed the exams at the end of the term, he didn’t care what the marks were. 

Sousuke felt likewise. 

They de-boarded their plane at Tottori Airport, spirits no higher than they were three months ago. 

At the konbini, they withdrew the same amount of yen, though feeling less generous about it. Canned mackerel wouldn’t burn, so Rin picked the sea life gummies he had for Makoto. Sousuke chose mackerel onigiri. 

Gou greeted them at the door of the Matsuokas. Rin and Sousuke changed into their formal attire, then took the train with Gou and their mother to Iwatobi. 

It was colder now, autumn on the rise, leaves starting to turn color, scarves accessorizing patrons on the trains. 

The funeral was held at the same temple as Makoto’s. Rin didn’t appreciate the deja vu it brought. Rei and Nagisa lost their spot in line again at the sight of them. Nagisa looked a lot better than what the sparse texts had implied. Quiet hugs were exchanged as they filed inside. 

Condolences and Wake gifts were deposited on a large table at the entrance. Some wrapped, some not. He spotted an Iwatobi-chan. 

Their relay team from the Olympics came, as well as Coach Oto. Rin nodded his head towards them before they went on ahead into the main hall. Once inside, Rin recognized a few guys he’d noticed from Makoto’s funeral, though he still didn’t know who they were. Classmates while he was in Australia? Sousuke nodded to confirm. Kisumi and his brother. Seijirou and Momo. Ai. 

Once all guests were inside and accounted for, the doors closed, and a silence passed at a different priest than Makoto’s funeral began the sutra. 

Haru’s parents both stood, Mr. Nanase leaving his wife to approach the altar. A photo of Haru that Rin didn’t recognize was there. He wore a smile he saved for Makoto. Probably from the Tachibana’s collection. Not like Haru’s parents ever gave him a reason to smile. Or stuck around long enough to see such a thing. The Nanases held their beads, said their prayers, and bowed to the photo. It shouldn’t have surprised Rin that they were crying as much as it did. Of course they should be sad, it was just odd to see when they had been so emotionally removed from Haru his entire life!

They took their place in front of the extended family, and then they too went up. When it was time for the friends and acquaintances turn, Rin’s stomach twisted when he realized that the Tachibanas were not at the head of the line. Were they late? No, they’d have to have been sitting before Rin and company came in. 

He watched them eventually approach the altar. He could have sworn they took a longer time than Haru’s parents. Ren cried into his sleeve as they sat back down. 

By the time it was Rin’s turn, the sadness had ebbed, transitioning into bitterness. 

This was the wrong way to feel in front of Haru!

But Haru wasn’t in there, so did it count?

He closed his eyes and took a few breaths, focusing on Haru, and only Haru. Visualizing the smiling photo in front of him. 

_ I’m glad you’re with Makoto. It’s where you’ve always belonged, right? _

The thought surprised him, head coming up from prayer, a tingle in his chest.

He accepted being with Makoto was the reason Haru did what he did, yet, he never had thought about it quite that way. Being happy that neither of them would be alone, because they belonged together no matter what. 

A throat cleared somewhere in the crowd, and Rin took that as a sign of him holding up the line. He made one quick bow and returned to his seat. 

He watched Sousuke, Nagisa, Rei, Seijirou, Momo, Ai, Oto, Toshiyuki, Awata, the group of guys from middle school, Kisumi, and Sasube take their turns. 

Seeing so many friends gathered… not having Makoto and Haru here…

And here he thought the feeling he had at the altar was peace.

The tears came. 

At the conclusion of the sutra, the guests were dismissed. The Nanases took their place by the altar, acknowledging everyone as they exited. 

When the Tachibanas approached them, Rin expected there to be a heartfelt embrace, exchange of words, an invitation for Vigil (was there one without a body?), but nothing. They were thanked and bid farewell like anyone else.

It made Rin’s blood boil, the bitterness from earlier returning.

How could they snub the ones that actually raised their son? Were they resentful for the involvement in his life? Did they /blame/ them for Haru’s suicide?

S ousuke’s hand on his startled him. He’d been clenching it tight at his side, palms now stinging from his nails. He looked up at Sousuke who drew up his brows in question, asking to talk about what was bothering him, later. 

Was anyone else bothered by it? Had anybody else seen or had Rin become too hyper-sensitive?

Outside the temple, family and friends mingled in the gardens, all the while grey clouds rolling in. By the time Rin, Sousuke, and their friends got out, the Tachibanas had left the temple. 

“Tachibana-san said to let her know when we’re all available to go to the house,” Rei said, following Rin’s gaze after the mourning family. “She’ll let Nanase-san know. Tomorrow perhaps?”

Rin hummed. “Do you all want to dinner now like last time?”

Kisumi declined, needing to take his brother home. Ai had something else he needed to do. Sasube said he had to duck out early, but agreed to coming and being ‘the adult’ there as Matsuoka-san bowed out gracefully from the invitation and headed home without her children. 

As they turned to leave, Rin stopped at the call of his name.

Coach Oto stepped through the graveled path towards them, a little out of breath. He gave a small, polite bow. “Evening Matsuoka. Yamazaki.”

“Coach,” the pair addressed in unison, turning away from their group. 

“I realize you aren’t here on vacation, but, how long will you be in the country?”

Rin quirked a curious brow. “Until Saturday. Why?”

“Would you be able to stop by my office in Tokyo before then? It’s regarding Nanase.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by @gabapple!
> 
> You can follow me on @sharlynnshida on Twitter or @mamodewberry on Tumblr!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this chapter! Starting the house hunting again hasn't been fun!
> 
> But here we are. The end. The end of the sequel y'all wanted to see so much. Honestly, this last part was tough to write. It's really painful, okay? I do hope I have brought justice to the ending of Wait For Me. 
> 
> Thank you for all the continued support and comments. It's what keeps me going!
> 
> A special thank you to my beta, @gabapple. This was all stuff I hadn't plotted with her before hand, so she got a big slam of sads while betaing this companion piece.

“What about Haru?” Rin asked, deja vou causing him to shiver.

Oto closed his eyes and sighed, as if he had been expecting the question, though not prepared to answer. “I’ve been approached by several media outlets: Due to yours and Nanase’s history, they’d like to interview you.”

Suddenly Rin was back in Sydney in his apartment. Palms sweaty against his phone, heart pounding so loud he could hear it, throat tight. 

_ ”When was the last you spoke with Nanase Haruka?” _

_ “Was he on any medication?” _

_ “Has he ever said anything that would lead you to believe he was suicidal? Done anything concerning?” _

_ “Recent reasons that could lead him to take action?” _

A hand on his shoulder brought him back to Iwatobi - Sousuke. He’d been shaking, breath ragged. Had they been elsewhere, Sousuke would have taken his hand or hugged him. For now, Rin took his presence, as well as his friends behind him, to ground him. Nagisa was kicking the gravel in front of him, eyes downcast, also doubt also triggered by Oto’s words. Rei slid an arm around his waist.

The mini mental breakdown wasn’t lost on Oto. His voice softened. “I understand it wouldn’t be easy.”

Rin returned his attentions back to his coach, taking a moment to catch his breath. “What would they ask me?”

“I’ll request for their questions beforehand and you can decide. I apologize for seeming too forward.”

“No. It’s fine. We’re only here for a week… It is what it is.”

“Please think about it. If you find it’s too much for you, I’ll respond to them the best that I can.”

“Sure.”

 

The friends gathered at the same restaurant they had after Makoto’s funeral. Their party was large enough to merit a room and they all slid and knelt into place around the table. Yakisoba, tempura, and sake was brought to the table. 

Oto’s request and the unorthodox attitudes of Haru’s parents left the air heavy, every face at the table wearing faces that weren’t only sorrow. Being sad was a much simpler feeling to deal with than what was there now.

A cocktail of emotions that may or may not be solved in drinking company, but it could at least lessen.  

Guilt was in there somewhere. Sobbing over a glass was a proper response after a funeral, not terse words, awkward silences, bitterness and wishing ill against someone’s parents (to themselves, of course. Rin knew it was disrespectful to talk trash about the deceased parent’s in company). Haru deserved the tears and solemnity as much as Makoto did - their deaths combined was incredibly tragic- but the Nanases tainted it all. 

 

Rin awoke to his cellphone buzzing by his head the next morning. 

Rei had made arrangements with Tachibana-san to go to the Nanases to look through Haru and Makoto’s belongings that afternoon.

Grateful they weren’t out too late the night before, they could take the time to nurse their mild hangovers before taking the train to Iwatobi. 

They met Rei and Nagisa at the station and the four of them climbed the steps up to the Nanases, something neither of them had done since Haru and Makoto had moved to Tokyo. It was eerie knowing neither of them would be there. 

Tachibana-san greeted them at the door. After customary bows, she led them up to Haru’s room where boxes labeled in black marker were stacked, stray clothing and odd-sized items were spread on the bed and floor. 

“There were some of Makoto’s things that were left behind in the apartment,” Tachibana-san began, hands in front of her and stepping to the side to let them through. “Things that Haruka-chan insisted on keeping. Things they also shared or had been tucked away out of sight. We’ve already gone through what’s at our home - I’ve had my husband bring a box over of photos and knick-knacks - so if there’s not something here of Makoto’s you’d like, we can-”

“You’ve done more than enough, Tachibana-san,” Rei interrupted her, as softly and politely as can be. 

Rin wanted to state it probably wasn’t easy getting permission for Haru’s friends to rummage through the Nanase’s dead son’s belongs, since they couldn’t be bothered to represent themselves, but held his tongue. She had done more than enough. The saint she was. 

“All right, then. I’ll leave you boys to it. You’re welcome to come to the house after you’re done.” She nodded towards them and walked down the stairs. 

“Where do we even start?” Rin asked to nobody in particular. 

Nagisa padded to the closest pile, examining the labels, peeking in on the top box. “This one!”

Sousuke lifted the box with ease.

It was full of sketchbooks. 

Reverently Nagisa took the first one and started flipping through the pages. 

Charcoal, lead, and ink drawings of still life. Homework and class assignments from his various art courses. Figures, gesture sketches, Iwatobi-chans, messy cityscapes, the ocean and its underwater inhabitants, tropical oases, and a few Makoto’s, sleepy and or smiling from memory.  

A few spiral sketchbooks later, they found a hardbound green one that was filled with nothing but Makoto in varying stages of undress. It felt like they were intruding on something extremely private with each turn of the page. They should have put it away, but were too captivated by the care Haru had put into sketching his love in comparison to his school practices and assignments. It was as if he was obsessed with getting it _just_ right. It was evident these were done with Makoto in front of him throughout their time together as they could see the changes in Makoto’s physique - declining and then inclining, never getting back to what they all remembered from high school. 

Underneath the sketchbook was a pad of watercolor paper also featuring Makoto. Realistic and abstract colors and still treating Makoto like he was the most precious thing in the universe. Most of the pieces were artistically nude, some censored in dark smudges, some not. A few had Rin flushing because  _ holy shit, Haru _ , it was very obvious what had just happened prior to painting this! How was Makoto okay with this? 

At the flip of the last page, several photographs fell from behind the back page and cover. They all showed a painting on a body - Makoto’s backside - like a canvas. Tribal and impressionist styles suited the natural fall of his musculature. Much of what Haru sketched in his books were found on Makoto’s back.  

Rei uttered a quiet ‘Beautiful’.

Rin had to agree. As strange as it was to witness a kink of his best friend’s, it truly was beautiful. 

They put the two books and photos aside for Tachibana-san. Maybe she’d want these. It wasn’t right for either of them to take them. 

Another box of miscellaneous sketchbooks were underneath the top one. A box of other school projects and textbooks. Haru didn’t strike Rin as a packrat of any sort, so it surprised him he kept things like essays and thesis. Maybe Makoto helped him write them. 

Next was a box of newspapers and magazines. It was odd at first glance, and then they realized it was because they contained photos or articles from the Olympics. There was so much! Some Rin hadn’t kept. Probably Makoto’s handiwork. For a moment Rin wondered where his medals were, then realized that’s probably the only thing his parents wanted to keep. 

“I think the suitcase has clothes in it,” Nagisa said, toeing at it against the wall. “Should I open it?”

“We’re looking through everything else, may as well,” Rin answered. 

Rei helped him lay it on the ground. Inside was indeed clothes, as well as every pair of jammers Haru owned. 

Nagisa gathered them, counting them as he made a pile to the side. “He has eleven pairs. We should take one each.”

It wasn’t like either of them would wear them, but it was definitely something that worked as a Haru momento. 

More sifting through the suitcase, Nagisa found a pair of swimming goggles. Without a second thought, he handed them to Rin.

“I also think it’s fitting your should have them,” Rei said after too much silence. 

Sousuke nodded.

Rin knew what they were getting at, and still he couldn’t help how his vision blurred. “Blue clashes with my hair.” He took them from Nagisa affixed them to his head, pulling the strap with a reverence he hardly used in his trademark band snapping. Good to know they’d fit. 

Makoto’s belongings were harder to find significance. Nagisa found a rice bowl with cats on it in a box marked from the kitchen. Rei found an old tin that used to house chocolates that Makoto had turned into a pencil case. Well, they figured it was Makoto’s as it had cat erasers inside. Sousuke found a coaching manual full of Makoto’s scribbled notes and exercises for his students in the box Tachibana-san brought over. Rin claimed a gift he had given a few years ago - Makoto had commented on a bracelet Rin had been wearing on a Skype conversation and Rin shipped him a bigger one, slightly different design. Though it was too big for Rin’s wrist, he let the braided leather join his collection of anklets.

They rummaged through photo albums, taking time to remember what was depicted. Swim meets, camping, sleepovers, graduation, and farewell parties. Fairly they divided the photos, trying their best to stick to ones they themselves were featured in. 

Just as they thought they were done, Sousuke spotted a lone box on the other side of the bed. Crumpled newspaper sticking out. It was removed to reveal a small canvas painting partially wrapped in a sheet of newspaper. Upon taking it out, the discovered there were five paintings - the five paintings the investigators found at the apartment - each an impressionistic painting. Sunflowers in a field. An ocean with an island. Dolphins and orcas. A mermaid that looked like Haru with a hand reaching down. And Makoto. Splashes of blues and greens and yellows on each one, shapes and objects neither of them could identify. Some subjects bleeding into the next one like it was meant to be a puzzle. 

Were all of these a depiction of Makoto, somehow? Of them as a couple? 

Making a count in his head, Rin concluded they could each have one and give the Tachibanas one. They definitely needed the one that was Makoto’s face. Unable to decide on who got which painting aside from that one, they drew lots from newspaper strips. Rin and Sousuke got the island and dolphins and orcas, while Rei and Nagisa the sunflowers and merman. 

They had tried their best to not pillage (Rin especially as they had a flight to get on) to be considerate, and really, none of them needed much. 

Taking a small, empty box, they loaded the sketch and watercolor pad and the painting into it to take down to the Tachibanas. 

Ran answered the door, happy to see her brother’s friends, though the poor girl definitely wasn’t as chipper as she usually was. She lead the boys to the table where Tachibana-san was already bringing tea and snacks for her family. 

Sousuke set the box on the kitchen counter, while Rin explained what was inside and that they should go through it later as a family. 

With thanks in her eyes, she served tea.

It was nice sitting among friends and the Tachibanas. Rin wished he’d done it during happier times. 

After tea, they picked up the items they’d claimed and bid the Tachibanas good night. 

As they approached the station, Nagisa tugged at the hem of Rin’s shirt. “Hey, Rin-chan…”

Rin turned at the subdued call. Rei had a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder like he was there for support. How could Nagisa be nervous to say /anything/ to him. “Yeah?”

“Before you and Sou-chan go back home to Australia… can we all swim together?”

“Why wouldn’t we want to?” Rin asked, borderline offended his friend would think otherwise.

“I thought we could do a relay...”

Rei still only really knew how to swim butterfly. Nagisa was passable at freestyle aside from breastroke. Which left Rin and Sousuke to fill in backstroke and freestyle. Be Haru and Makoto in Iwatobi’s split team, a part of a team Rin once was. 

With Rei on butterfly, and Rin preferring Sousuke favor his shoulder for another year, and backstroke being Rin’s worst stroke, he would have to do freestyle, leaving Sousuke with backstroke.

Nagisa was expectant of the delayed response, standing patiently and hopeful. 

One look at Sousuke - a shrug, ‘Do as you like’ - Rin had their answer. “We didn’t pack suits, but I’ll see if I left any at my mom’s place. When?”

Pink eyes widened. “Really, Rin-chan? How about tomorrow?”

 

The next morning Rin and Sousuke met Rei and Nagisa at Iwatobi Returns, found suits worn underneath their clothes. Towels, caps and goggles in duffle bags. 

The curiosity of how they had gotten access to the building this early in the day was short-lived as Nagisa explained he had been working part time with Sasabe so he could save up some before he and Rei made the move to Tokyo. Rei was an assistant bookkeeper at his father’s company. 

They entered the lobby, turning on the lights as they made their way down the hall, the smell of chlorine greeting them before they could pull away the plastic curtain to the pool. Taking to a bench, they finished undressing and readying themselves and then they were lined up on the starting block. 

Sousuke misplaced himself in the line, having been used to being third or fourth in line. Clearing his throat, he moved to the front and dropped into the pool with practiced poise. Taking hold of the handles, he walked up the wall into a crouch and awaited Nagisa’s signal. 

“Ready, Sou-chan? Four hundred meters.”

“Yeah.” 

“Go!” Nagisa clicked the stopwatch and Sousuke arched into the pool, which Rin had to admit was impressive considering how little he practiced it. 

In no time, Sousuke resurfaced and propelled himself through the water. Sousuke and Makoto had similar power in their upper extremities, but Sousuke wasn’t fooling anyone - he was doing his best to mimic the controlled thrashing of Makoto’s strokes. He returned from his laps and slapped the wall for Nagisa to go. 

The timing was a bit off, but Rin could imagine it was the sheer thrill of them all being together again. 

Though rusty, Nagisa still extended himself through the water like the a frog, the breastroke’s secondary name. In the two years of their absence Rin could see Nagisa growing in height and muscle. He hoped he’d keep up with swimming in university. 

Nagisa slapped the wall and Rei flew down into the water with clean precision, leading Rin to think he had kept up a routine. His streamline had become crisper, arms rolling back in a steadier rhythm. Yeah, definitely practicing, and he’d have to do his due diligence to compliment him once out of the water. 

Rin lowered into position at Rei’s approach and he dove and cut into the water with ease.

It had been three weeks since he’d been in a pool. Water was something that had calmed Haru always, and Rin thought it would have been the same for himself. But then the water reminded him of what he had and lost, and, in a way, he wondered if the water had been mourning with him, sharing that connection with it like Haru had. 

Swimming now with his friends, being in the water with them - their bond - felt warm and peaceful, something he hadn’t felt since before Makoto’s death. 

He touched the wall and Sousuke’s hand was ready to lift him out.

The stopwatch abandoned by the platform, the four teammates embraced, tears and cries unable to hold them back any longer.

 

When Rin and Sousuke returned from swimming with their friends, Rin’s mother was on her way out the door to run errands. With no other plans, they tagged along with her, becoming her company and pack mules. 

It felt a lot like swimming with Rei and Nagisa had; a piece of home. Mundane, yet comforting. 

Tonkatsu was what was served for dinner. It brought a smile to Rin’s face that his mother loved to spoil Sousuke so much. Rin had tried to make it for him using the same recipe, but Sousuke always said it lacked the Mother’s Touch. He couldn’t argue that. 

They shared the couch with Gou for a movie. Then the pair shared a bath and readied for bed. Once the futon was rolled out, Rin left Sousuke to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he came back, he caught Sousuke cupping his healing shoulder. 

Sousuke tried to make it casual like he was picking at a zit or something, but it had been too late. Clearing his throat, Sousuke stood and brushed past Rin to finish his own nightly ritual.

When he came back, no words were said as the lights were turned off and they crawled into bed.  

“I’m sorry,” Rin said, after a long silence. There was no way he was going to ignore it. 

Sousuke sighed, irritated that he had seen him. “Nothing to be sorry for.”

“You’ve been hurting all day and I haven’t noticed.”

“Swam a stroke I don’t normally, hauled fifty kilos worth of groceries today, and the cold coastal weather got to me. No big deal. It’ll be fine in the morning.”

“That _is_ a deal and it’s not just magically going _to stop_ hurting in the morning.” Rin kicked the covers off himself and rolled over to their suitcases and found a bottle of anti-inflammatories and a travel-sized salve he was glad he’d kept there. “You’re healing. Let me see.”

Another sigh, though more in favor of surrender, he sat up while Rin turned the light back on. 

Rin handed him the pills and then Sousuke removed his shirt and bore his shoulder to him.

The scar was still young and slightly raised on his skin. No signs of red or purple. Not that there would be at this point, but Rin couldn’t help worrying. He wondered if the pain had started today or if he’d been hurting for a while. He bit his lips as he popped the cap of the salve and started to massage Sousuke’s shoulder like the physical therapist had demonstrated.

The pressure of his fingers caused Sousuke to hiss, and Rin had to resist pulling away. Eventually he relaxed into the touch, letting Rin work what he’d call ‘magic’. 

“I’ve been neglecting you. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t feel neglected. You’ve needed to work your grief out, is all.”

“That’s no excuse! You’ve been with me all this time and-”

“And that’s all I can do.”

Rin stilled his hands and reflected over the last three months. Lots of hugging, staying close, assuring touches. Invitations outside the house. Making sure he ate, slept, and showered. Making sure he got to class, or at least, the make up work. Naturally Rin had been appreciative, sometimes more than others depending on his emotional state at the time. “You say that like you haven’t done anything.”

Sousuke turned around to face Rin fully, taking the closest hand. “As much as I want to be the one to make this all go away, I know I can’t. It’s something that will happen in your own time, and that’s okay, Rin.”

He thought back to the times Sousuke attempted to initiate sex as it was something that normally cheered Rin, them, up, or at least, momentarily let them forget things. First time it had been after Makoto’s death. Sousuke was hesitant, though willing to try to spark something so they could get lost in themselves. Rin didn’t find it fair to Haru while he was in mourning, letting guilt be his escape. A few lingering touches after that, open invitations in smiles and words that he had shied away from, heart heavy. Then after Haru’s death, a more obvious attempt, body refusing to react, his mind too clouded. As awful as he felt for denying him, Sousuke didn’t deserve half-hearted sex, whether it was for Rin’s sake or not. The Olympics had been the longest they’d gone without sex - just shy of a month. Now it had been three. Both situations they couldn’t help, Rin realized, and he hoped after he was able to move on, they’d have the same desire they had after the Olympics to go at it every night for several months, relishing in the missed connection.

His lifemate had exhausted his comfort methods and resigned to let Rin heal on his own. Rin was no stranger to depression. He had confronted his demons of failure, loss, and jealousy. Breaking down in front of Haru was a relief. Then his friend saved him further by allowing him to swim with them again. The cloud never fully went away, as much as he hated to acknowledge the inevitable. He’d have a bad day or two and be able to get back on his feet. Having Sousuke’s support was more than he could ask for and he’d taken advantage of it. He needed him now more than ever.

Placing a hand on either cheek, he pulled Sousuke in for a kiss - an apology and a promise. He felt a soft breath of surprise on his lips that soon settled into contentedness, their mouths moving tenderly against each other. When Rin pulled away, Sousuke didn’t allow the distance and instead pressed their foreheads together. 

“I’m sorry for everything. Please... I just need more time. Wait for me?”

“Always,” Sousuke breathed and kissed the tip of his nose. 

Rin chuckled softly and gave Sousuke nose a little nip. “Honestly, I think swimming today and being home has helped me feel a lot better. I’ll get there.”

“Good.”

“I’m also going to go ahead and tell Oto yes on the interviews.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It _shouldn’t_ be my place to represent Haru’s legacy, it’d definitely be something Makoto could do as he was always the expert. Sure would be great if Haru’s parents gave a damn. So I’m the best insight the media has. If I can, I don’t know, bring some light - something positive? - focus on his life, not his death, maybe it would help give me closure.”

Rin thought back to the pool and how he didn’t freeze up and was able to stay focused. He fondly shook his head. “I took today as a sign; Haru was kicking my ass in the right direction.”

“He probably kicked all of our asses.”

 

Right after breakfast in the morning, Rin called Coach Oto. “I’ll do the interviews, Coach.”

“It is not my intention to force you to do this, Matsuoka…”

“You’re not. I thought it over.”

“I know we both don’t want to soil Nanase-kun’s reputation. It’s unfortunate that the nature of his death is public knowledge - it’s the way of the athletic world. If we can bring whatever light we can for the good of his family and the team.”

“That’s exactly my line of thinking, Coach.”

“Excellent. I’ll make a few phone calls. When will you be in the city?”

“Well… I’ve gotta transfer our flight back to Sydney out of Narita. Taking the rail to Tokyo is about seven hours. Give me ten.”

 

One and a half hours later, Rin and Sousuke were on a train bound for Tokyo. Gou and Rin’s mother were sad to see them leave so soon, but the pair promised they’d visit in less depressing circumstances. Rin sent a text to Rei and Nagisa, apologizing for leaving so unexpectedly, and thanking them for the swim yesterday. 

Since they’d have two and a half days in Tokyo, Rin decided to look up sights and activities they could do. It’d be a nice distraction and who knew when they’d be in this part of Japan again. Sousuke didn’t have opinions to offer on any of the suggested sightseeing, but immediately perked up at the idea of an onsen. Of course he was unhelpful on narrowing down _which one_ to go to. 

They arrived in the city at the tail end of rush hour and transferred trains to Shinjuku. 

Sousuke stretched as they sat down and then draped an arm on the back edge of the bench. Had they been in Australia, Rin would have hooked his leg with Sousuke’s, maybe rest the hand holding his cellphone on his thigh and type away, but something like that in Japan, with the audience they had in their car now, he didn’t feel like risking it. At least today. Instead, Rin crossed his arms behind his head and leaned against Sousuke’s arm.

Soon, Rin heard a failed attempt at suppressing a shocked cry of ‘No way!’. His eyes drifted to the voice and she pretended to read the magazine in her lap. Was this position too obvious? He’d seen total dudebros be this way before, what was her problem?

Oh. She was wearing what looked like a local school swim team t-shirt and in her lap was a magazine, fingers holding a page in a way he could make out his own handsome mug and rippling pectorals, from upside down. The image alone wasn’t enough to say which photoshoot it was from and if it was used for Uniqlo’s sports or swimsuit line or sports drink. Having sponsors lead to fame, especially in Japan. The rest of the team did photo jobs, but none of them took to it like Rin. Haru didn’t like posing, so he had insisted on only being photoed when he swam. Rin was hesitant at first, but words from Sousuke, well, they always did things. Keeping copies of said magazines wasn’t good for his ego. ‘For the team,’ he’d say.

With a tip of his head, he turned on the charm and flashed the girl a toothy grin. Her face flushed and she dashed out the train at the next stop moments later.

“Ever get tired of doing that?” Sousuke asked.

“Ever get tired of asking?”

 

The elevator dinged and let them off on the fourth floor. Two doors to the left and Rin rapped on Coach Oto’s office.

“Come in,” he beckoned.

Rin turned the doorknob and let them both inside. Somehow with the pool on the ground level, the office still smelled of chlorine. Framed photos of winners circles and in-competition shots lined the walls. Newspaper articles mounted throughout the room. A cabinet closest to his desk contained trophies and medals from his swimming and ice skating teams. 

“Good to see you again. Traveled well?”

“As good as can be,” Rin answered, glancing at Sousuke.

“Have a seat.”

Rin and Sousuke took the invitation.

Oto pushed a folder across the desk to Rin. “Here are the questions they provided ahead of time.”

“They?” Rin asked, flipping open the folder and noting there was more than one sheet of paper. “How many want an interview?”

“Three -  _ Yomiru, Asahi _ , and  _ Tokyo Sports _ .”

Rin’s eyes widened. “National papers. Really?”

“It won’t be a front page story, but an Olympians death is material. It’ll be printed and available online. They may take photos of you and record the interview for transcription purposes.”

He knew the drill, but appreciated the reminder of procedure. 

“In consideration of time, I suggested they interview you at once. Their questions were similar.”

Picking up the papers, Rin skimmed through to confirm.

“If there’s anything you don’t want to answer, feel free to cross it out on the sheet. There’s a chance your answers may spur more questions. Feel free to decline those as well.”

 

“Are you sure about this?” Sousuke asked, slipping off his shoes at the entrance of their hotel. Fortunately with all their travels for swimming, he’d racked up points for a discounted stay at a western-styled chain. 

Rin hoisted his shirt over his head and padded to the bathroom. “Too late to turn back now.” He kicked off his jeans once they pooled at his feet. Haphazardly he tossed his clothes toward Sousuke. He stepped over the lip of the shower, leaving the glass door open, angled the shower head towards the wall. “Sousuke... If I decided to kill myself, would you be fine with letting the world talk about me like I'm some poor, weak soul? Or would you take an opportunity to redeem me?” 

He heard the hitch in Sousuke’s breath and almost regretted asking. Of course Sousuke would have thought about it before. He saw his jaw tighten and his brow furrow. “You’re asking me that _now_?”

“I’ve thought it since Haru died, just hadn’t said anything. Blame Oto.”

“I guess so.”

He snorted at that. “You guess?” Rin knew he wouldn’t deny it. 

A pause, and then, “I’d take every opportunity.”

Blush adorned Rin’s cheeks at that. Damn Sousuke, dodging the second question! Just as well; it was a heavy subject he’d tried to get himself to not think about. “Shut up,” he said, turning on the water. Rin half expected Sousuke to leave at that point, but the other half knew he’d step closer so his words would be heard over the pattering of water on porcelain. 

“What’s your plan?”

“I’ll answer their questions the best I can.”

“They’re asking about elementary school.”

“It’s fine. I’ll even tell them about how I quit like a baby when he beat me in middle school to prove that he’s always been better than me. A talent I’ll always aspire to be.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant, but that is a good angle to go with.”

For a moment he lathered his hair in contemplation. “Makoto?”

“Are you going to be able to not bring him up?”

“It’d be a dishonor to his memory if I didn’t. Both of them, really.”

“Would the public get suspicious and dig further?”

“Only if I mentioned how close they were back then.”

“They could ask what happened to him. Why didn’t he pursue an Olympic career.”

“Do you really think that someone would connect the dots? Care enough to? I want to believe people respect the dead more than that.”

“It’s possible. ‘Childhood friend of Nanase Haruka, Tachibana Makoto, passed away due to a heart condition he struggled throughout his young adult life. The day his ashes were interred he took his own life’.”

“Well, no shit when you put it that way!”

“Then what would you say?”

“After winning nationals in high school, Makoto had to quit to take care of himself while Haru and I went on to train. They roomed together during college. He unfortunately passed away recently, as well?” The final suds of his hair fell down the drain and he reached for his razor. 

“Play the coincidence card, but some could be curious enough to look up his time of death.”

“Would it _really_ be that strange to fall in a depressive state if your best friend were to die?” He squeezed his eyes shut and chased away images of ‘Yamazaki’ scrawled on a grave. 

“I thought we were trying to not make Makoto the cause.”

“I know, I know! At least to other people. I’m not an idiot. Would it be best if I omitted Makoto’s name?”

“What are you trying to protect, Rin? The fact that they were more than friends could ever be or that Haru decided he couldn’t live without Makoto?”

“It all amounts to the same thing, so both, I guess. Ugh, why do we have to live in a world that can’t accept that it doesn’t matter what’s dangling between your legs?”

“Are you saying you’d be comfortable admitting they were lovers but not that the death of one would cause the other to follow after?”

“Dammit, it’s so tragic no matter how you look at it! Hey, and we already agreed that Makoto wouldn’t. A huge chip at his armor, but he’d carry on and- Ah! Why did you let us get to this topic?”

“I’m trying to make you think about what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Rhetorical question…” Of course he knew what Sousuke was doing, but that didn’t make the situation any easier. From the start of his athletic career, he had to get used to interviews. Thankfully he discovered he had a presence for it. Although, then it was to talk himself up, not someone else. That person was the reason he drove himself to where he was. As much as he disliked pretending Makoto didn’t exist, it was the safest route. “I’ll keep it to just Haru and I. As much as I want to celebrate the life of both of them, I can’t risk it.” He shut off the water and pushed back his wet bangs with his fingers. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been keeping his and Sousuke’s relationship hidden from the media. “Secrets.”

Sousuke was a step ahead of him, unfolding a towel and opening it for Rin to walk into, the unmistakable glow of adoration in his teal eyes. To this day he didn’t understand what he did to deserve it, deserve this - being dried off like his lifemate was his servant. The fibers massaged around his body, soaking up the clean moisture. Once deemed dry enough, the towel was secured around Rin’s waist and the taller man rested his forehead against his like it had last night.

‘What do you need?’ was what the gesture had come to mean between them. He didn’t _need_ him to dry him off, but it was nice. What he needed was to stop hurting, and he hoped this interview would be the path to it. 

Sousuke’s fingers skittered down his skin. The lack of response at the teasing touch at the edge of the towel had him retracting a little higher to some stray hairs, a small chuckle in his throat. “You missed a spot.”

Thankful he settled on humor. “I was in a hurry.”

“You haven’t shaved since we got here.”

“It was starting to bug me.”

“You’ve been on leave, does it matter?”

He broke the contact of their foreheads and raised a brow. “It gets too annoying to deal with if I wait too long. Don’t act like you don’t like it.”

“Never said I didn’t. I’ll leave the prissy grooming to you.”

“One of these days I’ll take you with me to get waxed.”

“No way in hell am I getting hair ripped off my dick. I’ll let you, though. I like you smooth down there.”

“That’s why I’ve got to keep up with it, ungrateful bastard. You can enjoy me down there again, soon, okay?”

“I’ll wait. However long it takes for you to be yourself. Haru and Makoto wouldn’t want you to grieve them the rest of your life.”

If only he could blame the wafting steam for the stinging in his eyes. He sighed into Sousuke’s chest, damp hair dripping down his shirt. “You’re right. Like always. I… I want this, these interviews to be some form of closure. I don’t like being like this and if they could see how much I’ve cried, even Makoto would tell me I’ve cried too much. I’m trying. I’m working on it. The sightseeing is going to help, too. Did you know that Sky Tree was still being built when I was in Australia during middle school?”

“You did mention that on the train.”

“And when we get to the top, I’m going to kiss you and I don’t care who is watching.”

The shocked/pleased expression on Sousuke’s face was priceless. Every once in awhile he could say stuff to leave him speechless. Jerk was tough to get to blush, though. 

“Anyway. I should probably get dressed and figure out what I’m wearing tomorrow.”

  
  


With hair pulled back, slacks and sports coat freshly pressed courtesy of Sousuke, they entered Oto’s office once more. Two women and a man were talking with Oto and they looked up from their conversation to acknowledge the pair with a small bow. Greetings were exchanged and folding chairs were arranged - the three journalists facing Rin in a half circle, Oto and Sousuke behind them. 

Not having the bright lights and cameras set some of Rin’s nerves at ease. Despite what many perceived of him, being the center of attention wasn’t his favorite. Fame had its perks and recognition, but it was also exhausting. He’d rather be watched and admired in his element than trapped in a cage for interrogation. 

The woman from  _ Yomiru _ \- Hinata-san - was the first to tap her pen and pad together and get the questions rolling. “Thank you for meeting with us all today, Matsuoka-san. We appreciate you giving us the time to have a word.”

“My pleasure.”

All three of them took out their phones and booted up their recording app. 

“We’re here today with Matsuoka Rin, childhood best friend and Olympian teammate, of recently passed Nanase Haruka,” began Soji from  _ Asahi.  _ “Can you tell us about your childhood?”

“I still feel like a kid sometimes,” Rin smiled and it brought on chuckles from all. “We met our last year of elementary school. I saw him at swim meets and was, for lack of words, enamoured by his swimming. So much so, I wanted to be on a team with him, and I transferred to his school. 

“He was quiet and withdrawn. His stoic face and monotone voice did make it hard for many to want to talk to him. He got better about that over time; opening up to people. Despite that, he still attracted people to him. As odd as most of his friends are, present company including.

“Then I moved to Australia for middle school. Came back for second year of high school and he hadn’t changed at all.” His fists clenched in his lap as he recalled that dark time in his life. “He never cared about times and medals, he just wanted to swim. It pissed me off, honestly. I was too stubborn and arrogant to understand why you would work so hard for something for no reward. You could say he was profound, but really he did things his own way and didn’t care what you thought of him. 

“Haru may not have changed much through his life, but he changed me. O-oh, shit - I mean - crap! I’m sorry; I didn’t mean for things to get this heavy so quick!” He saw Sousuke starting to stand up, and made eye contact to placate him. It was enough to get him to sit. For now. 

“That’s quite alright Matsuoka-san,” Hinata-san said, looking up from jotting down on her pad, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Authenticity is favorable.”

Rin wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes. “I’m really glad this isn’t being filmed.”

“Would you say you were rivals?” Saigono-san from  _ Tokyo Sports _ asked. 

“If you’re asking me; absolutely. Haru; no.”

The three of them laughed. Soji was the first to recover. “How so?”

“As I said, he did what he wanted - in his own world. I aspired to be fast so effortlessly. That was the thing, I know he practiced swimming, but he didn’t do all the muscle training you should be doing along with it. It pissed me off that he was so good while I was busting my ass! I was obsessed with beating him. 

“He’d never outright admit it to you, but racing me always lit a fire in him. Winning or not, he’d always get excited about it.”

Soji-san nodded. “This rivalship you have; would you say that’s what got you both on Japan’s Olympic Team?”

“Being on the Olympics has always been my dream. Something my father wanted once, then became a father instead. Once I decided I wanted it for myself, I also wanted to have the best relay team. I'm guilty of pressuring Haru for selfish reasons, but in the end, he seemed to thank and forgive me for it for not giving up on him.”

The room was quiet for a time as the journalists wrote their notes, respectful of the words said. 

“How do you see the 2020 Games?” Hinata raised her hand. “Will Nanase-san be replaced by someone already on the team or be newly recruited?”

“Oh. I, we-,” he looked over their shoulders to Oto, who shook his head. They had the questions, why hadn’t they discussed this? “-we don’t know at this time.”

“You swim both butterfly and freestyle. Are you a potential fill, Matsuoka-san?”

Again Rin looked at Oto for assistance. He wasn’t going to put words in the mouth of the one in charge. Oto shrugged. “Undecided.”

“Nanase-san was an asset to your relay team at the 2016 Games; Do you think his absence will impact the team’s performance?”

Haru was incredible and did play a part in their relay team’s victory, but it was a collective effort and rude to discount the rest of the team. He was already trying his best to not thinking about being on the podium without Haru by his side. “No comment. Next question, please.”

The three of them exchanged glances as they conjured their last question. Presumably to end the interview on a higher note. 

Saigono-san edge forward in her seat. “Do you have any other thoughts of Nanase-san you’d like to share?”

Rin released the tension in his shoulder and sighed. “He was stubborn, yet dependable. Loyal. He had an unhealthy love of the water, but I forgave him for that cause I honestly do, too. He loved Mak-” he stopped and bit his lip, heart leaping into his throat. The thought came so naturally! “-mackerel.”

Soji tilted his head. “Mackerel? Fish?”

Grateful he was able to recover as fast as he did, he relaxed once more. “Yeah. He’d have it every morning for as long as I knew him if he could help it. He was even desperate enough for canned stuff.”

The journalists chuckled. Even Sousuke had smiling eyes at the memory. 

“He was an incredible talent. I’ve tried for years to best his times and I’m just barely behind him as we both progressed. I’ll never know if I’d surpass him. And, well, maybe it’s okay to be second best to him. I’ll just have to make sure to keep beating my own records so it stays that way.”

Nodding, the three finished their notes and closed the covers and stored their pens. Rin stood with them to shake their hands. 

“Thank you so much for your time, Matsuoka-san,” Hinata said. “Being in Australia has made you a hard man to speak with face to face.”

“It’s not completely intentional! I’m glad we were able to arrange this before I headed back.”

More handshaking, nodding, and expressions of gratitude and a quick snapshot later, the three journalists left the room, Oto closing the door behind them.

Sousuke approached Rin and touched his arm. “You okay?”

Patting Sousuke’s hand with a shaky one, his voice cracked. “Yeah. Just… tired.” He wasn’t going to break down in front of his coach. He had to keep it together.

Oto joined the pair, and cupped Rin’s shoulder. “I’ve kept you two long enough. Thank you. May Nanase, and you, rest.”

 

The lock on the hotel door clicked into place. 

Rin stripped off his coat and walked to the bed. He flopped face first when his knees hit the edge. The bed dipped and Sousuke crawled beside him and laid an arm across his back.

“We can cancel the rest of our plans if you don’t feel up to it,” Sousuke offered, softly.

“No,” Rin shook his head into the bed, and turned his head to the side to look at him. “I want to. I just… I need _this_ right now. An hour or two. Is that okay?”

“Anything you need.”

 

After some needed tears, the pair commenced with their Tokyo sightseeing plans. It was cheesy and cliche as hell, but Rin didn’t care. He’d been once when he was little and didn’t remember a whole lot. Sharing the experience with Sousuke was better than trying to unearth flashes of memory at lower lines of sight. 

Meiji, Zojoji, and Sensoji Shrine. Imperial Palace. Tokyo Tower. Sky Tree. Shinjuku Crossing and its shopping centers. An overnight stay at Mount Fuji’s onsen, Yamanakoko. 

It was short and fast-paced to the end, but doing something strictly to entertain themselves was a perfect way to relax. Rin kept his promise of kissing Sousuke on the observatory deck, four hundred fifty floors above the city of Asakusa. The action went unnoticed by the crowd, but at least Rin could satisfy the romantic impulse he had the first day in Tokyo. The colder temperatures allowed Rin his hats and beanies so to keep a lower profile in the streets. At the onsen, he received some second glances, but was otherwise left alone in favor of fellow patrons also wishing to relax. 

As their plane took off, Rin felt like he’d left a part of his grief behind. 

When they returned home, they unpacked and immediately put Haru’s paintings up on the den wall. 

  
  


 

_Three weeks later; November_  


 

Life felt like it was resuming normalcy as they entered the fourth term of their second year at university. The funerals and time off hadn’t left good impressions on their marks, but it was enough to keep them for the following term. 

When Rin took leave from the swimming team, he forsook the chance to participate in the short course championships. With the times he was producing before he decided to take a break, there was no way he would have qualified, let alone placed well. Just like at FINA. It wouldn’t look great on record, so that meant he’d have to work extra hard for the open course championships in January and for every subsequent event forward. He owed that to himself and Haru. 

Sousuke took Makoto’s coaching notebooks and manuals with him to his own classes. Rin even recognized the spines in his bag he took with him to swim practice. It was cute. He wondered how much similar their teaching styles were. Makoto and Sousuke didn’t get much one on one time unfortunately, and Rin hoped looking at how Makoto took notes was a way to do so. Even if acquainting through school work was weird when one of you wasn’t present. 

Every day he’d see Sousuke with Makoto’s books open. Was he even using his own textbooks anymore? Then again, it was probably nice to have Japanese materials to compare his English ones to.

Then Rin came home one day to see Sousuke at the kitchen table looking way too serious over homework. 

“Working hard, Sou?” Rin asked, hanging his keys on the keyring on the wall. 

“Yeah.” He sat up, his arms suspiciously covering the open books, shoulders stiff.

Rin touched his back, sliding his hand up his arm and over his shoulder as he moved to his side. “You okay?”

He leaned forward a little “Yeah.”

“Stumped?”

For a moment he looked at his crossed arms over the books, then he looked up at Rin, cautiously. “Actually. Was… Makoto suicidal?”

The hold he had on Sousuke’s shoulder tightened. “W-why in the hell would you ask that?!”

Sighing, Sousuke relinquished what he had been hiding to Rin. 

Still on the defense, Rin pulled the binder towards himself. A composition book with three holes punched into so it nestled between lined paper and manuals. He began to read the opened page. “W-what? What _is_ this? This is _Makoto’s_?”

Sousuke nodded. “It’s his journal. I think he didn’t want Haru to find it, so he kept it with his school stuff like this.”

“This can’t be Makoto. He’d never-- there’s--”

“I’ve been reading a little bit of it every day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He’d hoped he’d get to know Makoto better, but not like this! 

“I wasn’t sure if you were ready for it. Then I read that one and I know I wasn’t ready for it.”

“When did he-- what is he talking about here? This had to have been while I was in Australia.”

“I’d guess so.” Sousuke motioned to grab the book, but Rin held on. Defeated, he sat back in his chair.  “I shouldn’t have let you read it.”

“And you should? Is this entire journal depressing?”

“Not all of it. He said he started writing it to help him sort out his thoughts. I’d say most of it is. So far.”

Rin took his chair from across the table and sat next to Sousuke. “Let’s read it together. From the beginning.”

Teal eyes roamed over Rin’s face, in search of certainty. “Right now?”

“I managed to not bring him up in the interviews.” He flipped to the first page. “Parting words. Closure.”

  
  


_ I wish I had a better reason to start keeping a journal, but, well, here I go! I think maybe if I have somewhere to write down my thoughts it’ll be easier to deal with. _

_ I’ve been diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Basically, my heart sometimes stops doing what it’s supposed to cause it thickens. I’ve been told that people can die without even being diagnosed. There’s no cure, but there’s medication I can take to lessen the pain and keep me on my feet. _

_It’s weird having to take medication. Remembering to take it. Disopyramide (weird to spell!) to regulate my irregular heart beats. And Diltiazem (both are with Ds, so that’s easy to remember!) to help with my chest pains when I have them. My dosages will get lowered when my symptoms are more under control. I hope it’s soon, cause the Diltiazem upsets my stomach sometimes. My cardiologist is really nice._

_ Everyone has been really nice to me. Not that they ever aren’t, but. I don’t want to worry anybody. The best I can do is to thank them for their kindness, smile, and do my best.  _

 

_... _

 

_ Haru is coming with me to Tokyo! Haru is coming with me to Tokyo! Haru is coming with me to Tokyo! _

_ For months I thought I’d be going alone and Haru would be left in Iwatobi all along and then he surprised me with our test results and I can’t believe it. How could he trick me like that!? Of course I wanted him to come all along, but I’d never ask him to - put that pressure on him - and now he is and (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) The apartments we’ve been looking at online will be  _ ours _.  _

_ And then… the other part of me is worried. _

_ What if Haru is coming with me because he thinks he has to? I know he loves me, but I don’t want to hold him back from what he wants to do in his life. Thankfully, he can pursue whatever he wants in Tokyo, yet. _

_ I don’t know. It’s wrong for me to think this way. When we had our fight before the nationals, I worried that I was part of the reason he wasn’t progressing. Keeping him stagnate for my own sake. I think both of us have always been hesitant to change (it is scary ヾ( •́д•̀ ;)ﾉ ). Then suddenly having to think about our futures?! _

_ Being diagnosed has made me want to move forward more than ever. I feel like I’m running out of time, like Rin so eloquently put when I met with him not too long ago. My goals are the same as they were since I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, no matter how short it’ll be, I’m just pressing on like nothing is wrong! _

_ I really hope Haru is doing this for himself. As much as I want him by my side (honestly, I am relieved. A long distance relationship would be really hard! ( ´△｀)  ) I don’t want him to feel obligated to take care of me. Or follow me because he doesn’t know how to stand on his own.  _

 

_. . .  _

 

_ One week of university has passed and I am  _ SO _ tired (- o – ) zzZ I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep this up! Haru was worried since he saw my timetable, and I’m starting to see why.  _

 

_. . .  _

 

_ I had to drop a class. It’s okay. I’ll pick it up later! ╭( ･ㅂ･)و _

 

_. . .  _

 

_ I really miss exercising. I feel sluggish and lazy and I don’t like it. If I were exercising, it’d probably help me not be so tired. But it wouldn’t help my condition and ahhhhh!! ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ _

_ Haru says I’m not fat, not even  _ chubby _. I don’t know if I believe him. _

_ I miss working my body and the rush after a good run or weight rep. Or swimming.  _

_ I miss swimming most of all.  _

 

_. . . _

 

_ Haru lost at the swimmeet yesterday because of me. He hasn’t told me that. When I asked him how it went, he said it didn’t matter. It matters, Haru! This is your career! You can’t mess things up because you’re too worried about me. Swimming is why you are here in Tokyo, isn’t it? Someday I won’t be here, so please don’t risk your chances when you just barely started. I’m not worth it. _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ Haru wants to have sex. Of course I want to too, but what if I /can’t?/ All those pamphlets say “no”! Yet, I see all those silly infomercials for supplements for people that struggle. Then there’s the disclosure of contacting your doctor if you’re healthy enough for sex … If I was dating, or married, to a woman, the doctors would probably be willing to help me. I suppose I could lie about that. It’s so dishonest of me either way because my instructions already tell me no. It’s like asking Mom for something I already know the answer to. _

_ Haru has surprised me with how forward he is with his desire to be intimate with me like that. I really like it, I just… would I even be able to try? _

 

_. . . _

 

_ We had sex.  _

_ Ahh, I can’t believe it! It was disastrous and super embarrassing (*´-｀*) I really wish I was able to have kept it up. I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life. With me being so inexperienced in pleasuring myself, I understood I probably wasn’t going to perform well. I wasn’t expecting to fail without even trying. But Haru. Haru. Haru is so so so beautiful and understanding and walked me through what he liked. I was really nervous, but really interested in what he wanted. Fingering wasn’t how I wanted it to go at first, but for a first time, that’s probably the best place to start. I’ve never seen Haru make those kind of faces before. I caused those and--My face is really hot right now (๑´ㅂ`๑) _

_ And then Haru, he’s so good at everything, he was able to enter me with no problems. It hurt at first. Well, more weird, than hurt. Knowing that what was inside me was Haru I couldn’t think about anything else. That full feeling felt so good. And Haru over me, holding me, watching me, I (๑´⍢`๑) _

_ Okay, I’m sure my face is on fire and, uh, good news is that I’m responding without direct stimulation. Oops. _

 

_ . . . _

 

_ [Smudged ink from water on the page] _

_ What is the point? I can’t do this after all. _

_. . .  _

 

_ Today reminded me why I’m doing this. I am doing this for me because this is what I want.  _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ Kisumi! It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I’m glad he’s doing well. Hayato asks about me. I should write him a letter. _

_ Oh, but most importantly! Kisumi is an amazing friend and saw a posting for help at a rec center for me to teach kids to swim. This is why I’m here! This is what I came to Tokyo for!!! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ _

 

_. . . _

 

_ One of my students at swimming lessons asked me: “If you’re a swim coach, how come you don’t swim?” Kids are so honest and curious, nothing I’m not used to, yet still it caught me off guard.  _

_ Why am I teaching something I can’t do myself? There is that saying somewhere that says “if you can’t do something, you teach.”  Is it so I can swim vicariously through them? Or is it really because I want to share the joy of swimming so they can do what I can’t anymore? I love swimming and I love being around children and it seemed like the perfect dream for me to work towards.  _

_ Am I going to be a good coach that can make a difference in someone’s life the way I am now? _

 

_. . . _

 

_ Haru thinks I should quit working at the coffee shop. I know why he wants me to, the same reasons he didn’t want me to in the first place. I just can’t stay at home and not contribute to the finances. I should at least be paying for my medication and doctor visits. I’m grateful that Haru is able to handle our finances through his very generous parents. I also want to be able to treat Haru to things; thank him for taking such good care of me. And because I love him, of course. _

_ I love working. I love seeing my coworkers and making the customers smile as I bring them their morning coffee. A smile and appreciation for something I do makes me so happy. Haru knows this, too, and that’s why he won’t force me to quit. It’s devious of me to feel victorious over that.  _

 

_. . . _

 

_ I often wonder if Haru wishes I could top more often. We don’t really talk about. If I start things off and nothing happens, seamlessly Haru takes over. It’s nice that we don’t need to say anything, but is this what Haru wants?  _

_ I’m am, well, was, bigger and bulkier. Maybe it was a turnoff for him for me to be on the bottom, then was forced to change his mindset to fit our situation? What if when we started our relationship, he fantasized how I would take him and now it happens so infrequent, he’s disappointed?!  _

_ Am I not satisfying him enough? Am I a bad lover? _

_ I know I can’t help some things. I’m trying, I really am. Honestly, I don’t have a preference of roles. Being taken eighty percent of the time doesn’t bother me at all! I get to spend time with Haru. We connect and every time it’s more and more special to me because Haru loves me and wants to be with me even though I’m broken and can’t love him back in the same way. _

_ … Huh. Maybe I just answered my own question! He knows I can’t very often. He’s so patient with me, knows I’m trying and wants to make him feel good. He never looks like he’s not enjoying himself. He could have wanted our relationship more one way or the other or even, and doesn’t mind either way like me?  _

_ He’s always so willing to be in control… I actually think he enjoys. Making /me/ feel good. I like it too...  _

_ Um. I really need to stop writing about this in class. (๑•́‧̫•̀๑) _

 

_. . .  _

 

_ Since the first time I woke up in a hospital, I’ve been having dreams about swimming with everyone. It usually happens after I’ve had an attack or a really bad chest pain day. It’s like a sad reminder of what I can’t have anymore. I wish it could be some kind of motivation to get better, but I know that can’t and won’t happen. _

_ Because I can’t get better, I should think of these dreams of what I did have and be grateful for them. At least that’s one good thing… I get to be with my friends! Oh, and actually dreaming means I’m still alive. That’s always good, too! _

 

_. . .  _

 

_ Last night, I woke up from a nightmare - Haru was drowning - and my heart was beating so fast and I was hyperventilating on top of it. He woke up almost immediately as I jolted up and was with me, trying to calm me, count with me. I always keep my medicine and a glass of water nearby just in case. Haru helped me take them and rubbed my back, and felt my wrists for my racing pulse. He had his phone out ready to call 119. With how he looked at me, I didn’t want him to.  _

_ He was scared. Having an attack without me exerting myself first is rare.Calling an ambulance would only make it worse for him. Because he was scared, I was, too.  _

 

_ Eventually I calmed. I don't know if it really was an attack or if the nightmare shook me that much.  _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ [Sentence crossed out]Would Haru be better off without me?  
_

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ I didn't go to class today. I couldn't do it. I'm tired, and my body is heavy and I couldn't get out of bed. Normally I can shake it, but today I gave in. _

_ I don't like how weak I've become. And Haru seeing it makes it ten times worse. Living together makes it impossible to hide. I told Haru he should go to class - I'll be fine at home alone. I’ll sleep, I promise. I watched him leave our apartment. Two hours later and I've woken up, and he is here curled up next to me when he should be in his second class.  _

_ I wonder if he even made it to school in the first place. _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ If Haru hadn’t found me that day at the ocean, would I have died in middle school? If I had, Haru wouldn’t be wasting his time taking care of me. He could be free like he wants to be. I’m holding him back. After all these years I still can't take care of myself. It’s probably worse than it was back then. I’m an adult; I’m supposed to be more independent than this. In the end, I’m always relying on him. I can’t even kill myself. It would have been better for everyone if I wasn’t such a coward. _

 

Rin slowly closed the journal within the binder, tears blinding his vision. “I… I’ll read more later. It’s a lot to process seeing Makoto like this.”

Sousuke took the hand that was on the journal and brought it to his lips and kissed his knuckles whist pulling him onto his lap.

The weight of Makoto’s burdens manifested itself and Rin sobbed into Sousuke. 

A boy he always thought was positive and carefree and so strong in the face of adversity had finally fallen. Of course Makoto was human, but reading him feel so much doubt and sorrow in what his life had become was an upsetting affirmation. 

 

Two nights later, Rin brought the journal to bed, holding it to his chest. Sousuke was reading by the lamp light, and immediately put his book down and made space for him. 

“Let’s finish it, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“No, but, you’ve left it home and it keeps taunting me.”

  
  


_ That last entry was really bad (´-﹏-`；)  I think my medication makes me moody.  _

_ But. It has been really hard, lately. I failed a test that was a big part of my grade and I forgot to do a homework assignment. I can’t help feeling miserable about it. I study so hard and then I mess it up like this. If I don’t get good grades, I could lose my scholarship. And if I lose my scholarship, that’s more money we don’t have. _

_ Then I wonder if there’s any point to me being here in Tokyo when I’m not going to live a full live. I don’t hate school, but is going to school living my life to the fullest? Is it pathetic that I can’t think of anything else I want to do with what time I have left? Work towards a dream I may never see... _

_ It’s really hard to not get discouraged. What if everything I’ve done until now ends up being a waste? Especially if I can’t keep my grades up. If I drop another class, that’s even longer I’ll be in school and /time/.  _

_ It would be easier if I dropped out entirely and moved back home and stayed with my family and did nothing. I don’t want to quit, but when I get to feeling this hopeless, it’s really tempting. _

 

_. . . _

 

_ I broke down and cried to Haru.  _

_ I couldn’t tell him everything. I don’t want him to worry more about me. I told him I felt overwhelmed and helpless and he didn’t ask me anything else and let me cry on him until I stopped.  _

 

_. . . _

 

_ It’s strange how doing something I know I shouldn’t be has become one of my favorite things about my new life here in Tokyo. I’ve always been an obedient child, so I’ve missed out on the thrill of being defiant? And also a sense of victory because I’ve been fine so far?  _

_ We don’t have sex often. Go all the way, anyway. We try to be cautious. There are a few times we have to stop, but… I really don’t like it when it happens, because Haru deserves so much better and (๑ó⌓ò๑) _

_ Still. I love doing it because it makes me feel /alive/. I can’t swim anymore and it’s the closest thing I have to swimming - swimming with  _ Haru _. I can take walks and do some floor exercises with Rin’s book, but none of it feels the same as the level activity I had before. It shouldn’t make sense that I haven’t had an attack during sex, but maybe it’s a small miracle in my life that I’ve been given. I can have this with Haru. _

 

_. . . _

 

_ Funny how somedays I feel really good and then there’s days I feel really bad. Typically I’d say I’m in the middle. When my body favors on the good side, I risk going on jogs, or getting off the train three stops early to walk. I also have to take advantage of a high day to have sex with Haru with me taking him.  _

_ On bad days, I’m exhausted the moment I wake up. I’m heavy like my blood is made of rocks. And my heart hurts like I keep getting punched in the chest. My pain medication takes a while to kick in sometimes, but before it does, it’s not fun.  _

_ I live for those good days! _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ Death itself doesn’t scare me. I imagine it will be quick and painless, like waking up somewhere else. A lot like when I wake up in the hospital. I worry about those that will be sad by my death. Especially Haru.  _

 

_ I often think Haru would be better off without me, but would he  _ r eally? _ I’m grateful he has a future here in Tokyo that can provide for him physically, but what about his emotional and mental well-being? Would he find someone else that could understand him? I really hope so. Otherwise I’ve failed him.  _

 

_. . . _

 

_ I’ve accepted there is no cure for me. This surgery is supposed to help, and I understand it isn’t a permanent fix.  _

_ I’m okay with it. When I spoke with my cardiologist in Iwatobi with Mom, they talked about a transplant… even back then I felt like I needed to do the best I could without medical intervention. A transplant is also money me or my family don’t have. And when it’s not going to give me a full life, it sounded wasteful. Still does. If this surgery can help me feel better with normal day-to-day activity, I should be much better!  _

 

_. . . _

  
  


_ I’m starting to doubt this surgery was a good idea. I knew I’d be tired post-op, but  _ this _. At least it doesn’t hurt, but I can’t f _

_ ocussss _

 

_ s _

 

_. . . _

 

_ Surgery has been a good thing. Know why? I CAN START SWIMMING AGAIN!! I was so excited after I got home from the doctor’s, I had to call Mom and she jumped up and down with me (I really miss her, I’m glad she came to see me while I was recovering)! And and and I went swimming with Haru and he made the cutest happiest face I’ve ever seen! _

_ I’m trying to not get too excited. I know I’m not better, well, I’m better, but I’m not healed. I can’t do what I did before, but I can at least feel like I’m not an invalid. I’m allowed to exercise more! I can swim with Haru! I can swim with my class! Most importantly, with Haru!! _

 

_. . . _

 

_ Haru has found a new thing he likes to do. I’m not really sure how I feel about it ,it’s kind of embarrassing. I told him I’d model for him, and what has happened lately has been different than me being sketched candidly or posed.  _

_ He paints on my back. It’s cold and tickles a lot! Really hard to hold still, too. I try really hard so he’ll get the result he wants. It takes a lot longer than his sketches. Constantly touching my skin and I can’t help but feel warm, knowing that he’s paying so much attention to me.  _

_ I’m nothing to look at. My muscle definition is hardly noticeable and I’ve lost what tan I had. Now I have a nasty scar on my chest! Haru insists I’m beautiful. I’m only beautiful after you’ve turned me into a human canvas! I feel bad the painting is quickly ruined after he takes a photo cause then he, uh, has other ways of convincing me I’m beautiful. He’s also started drawing me after I’m spent and ahhh I hope nobody sees those (*´_ゝ｀) _

 

_. . . _

 

_ The last two weeks have been really great! I scored well on a test I thought I’d bomb. I successfully cooked tofu (for when Haru’s gone for weekend retreats and I can eat something not ramen). I got a raise at work. The kids have been really enthusiastic since I’ve been actually able to swim with them. I feel lighter. Happier. It’s been really nice.  _

_ It’s when I have good day(s) like these when I’m able to feel really content about things. Obviously I don’t want to die young, but when I think about what I have accomplished despite things I can’t down on myself. I decided to work towards my dream and live like I’m going to live and I’m going to keep going. No regrets. (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ _

 

Rin turned the page only to find it blank. That was the last entry, June 2nd 2017. He died twenty days later. Clapping the journal shut, Rin laid back into Sousuke, who wrapped an arm around him. Quiet tears trailed down both their cheeks. 

Makoto was happy with his life. He could have let the negative feelings eat him up, but he had kept fighting until the end. He accomplished what he could in the time that he had and unknowingly touched the lives of many if his funeral had been an indication. 

From his entries, he had hope that Haru would live on without him and would blame himself if he didn’t. Rin smiled and conjured the image Makoto reprimanding Haru on the other side. 

  
  


The pair walked onto the pier, hand and hand. The sun set over the horizon, painting the sky in dark purples and oranges, the opera house in the distance almost a silhouette. He thought back to three years ago when Haru was standing beside him.

_ ”Oh.” Rin took a breath and braced himself for a possibly long conversation. “Does he know?” _

_ Haru gnawed at his lip for a moment in consideration. “He knows most things.” _

_ “Especially when it comes to you. You haven’t told him?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Do you want him to know?” _

_He dipped his head so his bangs would cover his face. “Yes.”_

Back in the present, Rin leaned over the bars, hair billowing in the wind. “I brought Haru here during our trip before the nationals,” Rin said, leaning over the railing. “He confessed he liked Makoto to me.”

Sousuke mirrored his stance. “Really? That’s unlike him to be so open.”

“I know, right? He brought it up all on his own.”

“Got to play matchmaker, huh? How romantic of you.”

Rin nudged him with a knee. “Oi, I was helping a friend out. He’d just been through his first fight with Makoto and he was so devastated over it. I’m glad my plan of showing him a new world opened his eyes. In that time, he managed to sort out some other feelings, apparently. I know it wasn’t Makoto’s idea of what he meant when he asked me to help either, but it worked out in the end.”

“And you encouraged him to confess his feelings to Makoto?”

“More or less. Had some guy talk; got him to tell me why he liked Makoto. Unfortunately, Haru isn't one for gossip or lots of words, so it was limited to simple descriptors. To tell the truth, the whole conversation had me thinking about you.”

“That so? You were thinking about me before I confessed to you?”

Rin choked. “What confession? You straight up kissed me without warning!”

“And I’m not guilty about it.”

“Such an ass. It wasn’t romantic at all!”

“I made up for it later.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

A breeze blew by and the remaining gulls in the sky sung on their way to their roosts as the sky continued to darken.

“The way I see it,” Rin said, hoisting himself onto the rails, supporting himself on his arms, “we all brought each other together.” The raised brow Sousuke threw him made him continue. “Not exactly by direct introduction, but, because we are all connected. We all had our shit we had to work through. If neither of us had met, we wouldn’t have been able to better ourselves so we could deserve each other.” 

Sousuke nodded, mulling over the sentiment. 

“Makoto and Haru are gone and they both accepted their deaths, there's no point in me holding on to them like I have. I've done my time of grieving. Naturally, I'll miss them. They made their peace in this world and are together in the next.”

“It’s time you made your own peace.”

“Yeah. As super depressing as his journal was, I'm glad it’s what you took, Sou.”

The smile that Sousuke returned was one of relief and admiration. Rin tried not to look away with the blush that was manifesting itself. “Me, too.”

 

 

_ Three Years Later; August _

 

Bare-footed, blood pumping, Rin stepped onto the starting block of his first event of the 2020 Olympics. The stadium chanted his name and stomped their feet. Soon he would learn if he had a “home pool” advantage. 

He lowered Haru’s blue goggles over his eyes, adjusting them into place. Following the edge of the lenses to the rubber strap, he snapped it behind his head; a ritual he had no intention of stopping no matter whose goggles he wore or the weight of the competition.

To his right was Austrailia, to his left was the United States. Rin and Haru beat them both in Rio and Rin was going to keep it that way, carrying their records to the finish line. He flashed them a challenging grin right at the buzzer and then dove into the water, leaving them in his wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin retires after developing a rotator cuff injury like Sousuke’s. During the 2024 Olympics, he silvered and bronzed. He goes through physical therapy for pain, and decides he’s old enough that his athletic career is over. He and Sousuke take residence in Australia permanently and they also start a community swim team. Australia took a liking to Rin’s athletic career and being a good-looking foreigner as well, he had a modeling career before retirement. Rin returns to university, having only completed general education and various electives and goes into law enforcement.
> 
> Sousuke became an official assistant coach after the 2016 games and by 2020 he was Team Japan’s head coach. With Rin retiring, he had no desire to remain an Olympic coach. Sousuke graduated with a Bachelor's in Sports medicine and physical education. He starts a small clinic after completing his residency in between Olympic games and coaches with Rin on weekends after. They marry in the spring. Gou becomes the surrogate mother to a little girl two years later. They also adopt a bunch of dogs.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay. I think that about covers things. Anything I missed? Other than offering tissues??

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I kept finding conflicting information on sources on Japanese Funerals. A lot of it depends on if the family follows Buddhism or Shinto. Some of it also depends on the region of Japan. Sometimes it's a flat-out hybrid. It's a very different ceremony than what I'm used, so I hope I was able to convey what goes on to some degree. Usually Wake and Funeral are separate, but due to Iwatobi being small (and sake of my writing), I decided to combine the ceremonies. They are very similar in nature. I took went the Buddhist route as that seemed the most common. 
> 
> If something is really strange and you don't understand, please ask. If I'm a dumbass and get this all wrong, please correct me.


End file.
